Wednesday, February 24, 2010

by ZeroBear

Horse doofers! It was enough to make a PolyBear use dirty words! There were all sorts of disappointing complications during last night's launch to the International Spacey Station. First of all, there was the rian and snow mix. How the razzle frazzling drat do you launch a AstroBear PolyNaught into low earth orbit in a rain and snow mix?

Then Da refused to go to sleep. It may have had something to do with the chipmunks running around the top of the chest of drawers with that box of RedLobster strike anywhere matches we found in the kitchen cabinet above the stove. You wouldn't believe the stuff you can find in cabinets, drawers and closets.

Anyhoo, it was really late when his breathing finally slowed down and those little snoring noises (Ha Ha! - ZeroBear made a Joke - little snoring noises? - yeh, like my sor'ta yellow leg! - Ha - Sometimes I break myself up!) started coming out of his big old hairy schnozolla. Just kidding Da - No - really just kidding - We all know that in the great scheme of things, your Schnoz isn't all that old - like the rocky mountains are older, arent they?

Then (double drat) I found that Mumzie had fastened the window latch behind their bed and I was unable to get it opened while wearing my AstroBear PolyNaught gloves. Anyone know why they don't put fingers in Oven Mits? It's so hard to do any work while wearing them and I simply didn't have enough time to ungarb and then regarb with the rain/snow that would be coming through the open window, falling on Mumzie and Da.

Zero minute (to launch ZeroBear) was coming fast, so we (the chipmunk ground crew and me - the head AstroBear PolyNuaght) made a command decision to just launch'er away through the closed window. 

OK, in the clear light of day, I can see the error in that choice, but what can I do now? Obviously, the next time we'll know that blasting through a closed window is a bad idea, but in the heat of pre-launch activity, that wasn't as obvious last night as it is now.

Then there was all the stuff leading up to the flameout. How was I to know it wasn't a full bottle of propane? It felt OK to me and the Chipmunks ground crew, never said anything about it. They claim they thought I knew. Anyhoow, I opened the gas valve and looking back, they should have had the match already lit before I did that. How do I say this? By the time they lit the match, the bedroom was pretty gassy and we achieved a spectacular fireball, if I do say so.

I think a little minor paint touchup and perhaps a bedspread replacement will fix the old night time aboderoom right up. Good thing I was fully wrapped in my tin foil AstroBear PolyNaught suit in case just such a thing happened. I pulled through with not any fur singe and the chipmunks seem no worse off. And regardless of what they may claim, the bedroom was fine after Da managed to beat out the flaming curtains.  

I have spent time on the interwebs already this morning and believe I have determined that it was either (1) wind shear or (2) snow blowing into the rocket nozzle or (3) terrorist activity that caused the flameout right after we blasted our way through that closed window. I am not yet eliminating the possibility that (4) we may have run out of fuel, with all that leaked out into the bedroom before the Chipmunks managed to finally strike the match. 

It all gets a little blurry, but I think RocketShip #1 was about ten feet in the air and quickly gaining both velocity and altitude when the (triple dratted) thing flammed out on me.

Here comes the tense part:

I had milliseconds to make a decision - abort or attempt to reignite the rocket engine. You already nose I ain't no dummy. I brought a match with me for just such a chance occurrence. However I forgot to bring the box with the little scratchy striking thing on the side, so I decided to abort and bailed out (off?) at maybe 15 feet altitude. I know, "What a brave little AstroBear PolyNaught!", you're thinking and it's true - I am. What can I say? I live for adventure.

And so as they say at the Kape, "Back to the drawing board. No body parts blown away = partial success. At least we know that way didn't work."

All is not lost. I has another idea... 

1 comment:

  1. Oh noes! I hope you didn't burn up Mummzies doovey.