Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Oh by The Way
By ZeroBear

Things are back to normal now. It was touch and go for a few days over here after I managed to beam down 27 of me from the StarShip Enterprise. After only a day of enjoying all of the mees, Da went out to the barn with his sleeping bag and said to call him when it was over.

I think FluffyKitty went with him. Probably best, he (FluffyKitty) was getting pretty nervous with 27 mees giving him attention. Mumzie had her hands full with all of us. There was breakfast X 27.
Snack time X 27 X 3 or 4 times a day.

and dinner X 27 + late night tums and bellyrubs afterwards.
And it was really hard to get a seat for Craig Ferguson

Actually I was getting tired of all the Mees running around, too and then I remembered that Scotty had converted my phone to a handy flip phone communicator and so I called him up to see if he could help.
Yep, you guessed it. The Enterprise Telepotato, er telepotater, Teletatertoter (You know what I mean). Anyhoo, their transporter thing has a ctrl+Z option, and Scotty ctrl+Zed me 26 times, and just like that. I'm back to normal. One sweet little PolyBear FunnelCakeEater.

C'mere and give us a hug!

It's Spring!
By: ZeroBear

It's finally here. The air is clean and warm. The flowers are blooming. The dogwoods are coming out

The bluebirds are doing their thing.

And the bees are flying from flower to flower, pollinating away as they sip the sweet nectar of spring.

I'm sure you all know that at this time every year, the thoughts of most-all able bodied PolyBears turn in one direction. In fact they can get obsessed with it above all other thoughts.

Yes you are correct. Most PolyBears think of hardly anything other than:


Yes, waffles. Pure golden brown luscious Waffles! We like them buttered and syruped.

We crave them, berried



Even a little wierd (sometimes maybe on Saturday with Da some chocolate milk and a good cartoon on the Tube).

But I have grown past all of that. No more will I be driven by primative lusts for embossed baked batter carbohydrates. I am now a famous PolyNaught AstroBear of wide intergalactic fame and I will not be grouped with more common Polybearus americansus bears. I have been to the final frontier, the edge of the unknown. I have looked Spock in the face and said Pflibbit!

I will no longer abase myself with mear common thoughts of waffle. My thoughts and desires are on a higher plain.

I wants me some

A Diet Dr. Pepper would be tasty, too. I wonder if Mumzie's spare car keys are hanging in the laundry room and if that Funnel Cake stand is still down at the Fiargrounds?

Friday, March 26, 2010

How Do I Get Into These Things?
By: ZeroBear SeveralBears

I'm not sure there is any decent way to 'splain this but I'll give it a shot. I decided last night that it was time to go home.  Spock had gotten all moody and his bad attitude was unhealthy for crew moral. Oh yeah I was missing Mumzie, too and that guy who lives with her. Man why can't I remember his name? You guys know who I'm talking about don't you? Big old gray haired guy? Hairs in nose? Snores and then denies it? Grouchy before coffee in morning? Not a good sharer of birthday hats and neck scarfs?

Anyhoo, let me get on to more important stuff. I was goofing around in the transporter room, doing important late night transporter research

And as you know it's a long way from the control console to the transporter stage.

So I positioned myself on the stage and tossed a Diet Dr Pepper can over to the activate switch on the console thinking that I activate the thing without assistance, since it was pretty late at night and no one knew that I had pilfered the transporter room key from Scotty. Wait, I borrowed it. Pilfered has such an unsavory sound - I borrowed the key. How was I to know that unfortunate spillage of Diet Dr. Pepper shorted out the Transport Switch and here I am - 27 times. How was I to know that would happen. This is a Warp 12 StarFleet Craft and the transporter console shorts out with a little spilled Diet Dr. Pepper?

The problem is that all of these mees all feel like me. At least the thing shut off at 27 bears. This is a mess because Da -


anyhoo, Da will never spring for 27 TacoBell #4 combos and at the moment I have teleported all 27 of me into a TacoBell #4 combo frenzy. We is in such a frenzy that we can't agree on who will call and see if they will deliver to the house.

I gotta work this out somehow.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Things you Miss in Space
By: ZeroBear SpaceBear

Categorize this message under "People Places and Things"

I'm not trying to put anyone down. They don't get much better than Uhura
(hubba hubba),
but sometimes a PolyBear Intergalactic SpaceGuy misses his lovely Mumzie, and that guy she's married to. I'm sure I must miss him, too, although as I recall there is not even a single Hubba to be associated with his name.

Why can't I remember that guy's name? I'm sure it will come to me later. Oh well, we'll just call him Mumzie's #2 favorite playmate, after a certain #1 PolyBear. 
Fact is, I miss lots of stuff from home.

Take TV for instance. They have terrible reception here in the Enterprise. You'd think a Warp 7 Starfleet craft would get more than 8 channels worth watching. Do you know they don't even have Animal Planet? Kirk says that he is trying to hold costs down and that most folks log in too much Boobtube time anyhow.

My interwebs broadband subscription costs alone would probablly pay for the Deluxe Includes Animal Channel Satellite Dish Package.

Sure would be nice to get Animal Planet up here, cause I really like that Unlimited Wild Lady Chipmunks Mud Wrasslin show that comes on Animal Planet Late night.
I'm rooting for the girl on the left. She looks a lot like Peaches.

Then there is the DIY Channel. You'd think Kirk would subscribe to that just as an educational offering. Where else can you get everything you ever wanted to know about how they make flashlights?
and Cat-a-pults?
I think that other thing has something to do with automatic hedge trimmers.

It goes without saying that without the history channel, we'd know almost nothing about the technical side of Slingshot design
and every StarFleet Officer should know how to make a slingshot.

Then, no one else may, but I miss my movies.
Have you seen this one? It's called Bonzo gets a 45. Wonderful plot.

Last week I got to thinking (it could happen) that space colors are nice and the whole place is exciting
But I miss my fireworks experiments:

Most of all I miss the basic necessities that no Bear should be forced to live without:
I give up a lot for this life of adventure.

Oh - Da - His name is Da. Now if I could only remember what he looks like.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Phasers and Ray Guns
BY: Starship Enterprise Junior Weapons Officer ZeroBear PolyBear

You probably already knew this, but here it is again. Space is absolutely full of scarey stuff.

There is only one suitable defense against such dangers and no respectable space PolyBear would be caught without his trusty:

No... Wait ... I'm not sure where that came from. It just popped up and now I can't get rid of it. Actually no self respecting space PolyBear would be caught without his trusty:

Yeah. That's the trick. His trusty ray gun - every SpacePolyBear needs a trusty ray gun! Although they don't seem to have any of the Model 12 Farnzeworth Blastaway Rayguns like that baby shown above, they do have a nice assortment of ray guns here on the Enterprise.

However, Captain Kirk is a real stick in the mud when it comes to qualification requirements for carrying any of these babies. First, you must pass a safety quiz.
That's me way back there in the back with the confuzzeled look on my face. I quickly evaluated this examination and gave it to old "Glance to the Left, Glance to the Right. Cheat off the smarter looking of the two" method of examination completion. Unfortunately I scored an 81, which indicates how dumb some smart looking people actually are. But anything over 80 is a passing score for a D level Ray Gun so I'm not all that upset. Still, I have my pride and it would have been nice to ace the exam. Oh, well. Next comes Target practice:
With the exception of one minor misshap:
I think I did pretty good on my range test. Evidently Kirk, who evaluates all ray gun qualifications thought otherwise because
This is what he gave me after the qualification. I didn't even get a quick draw leather holster and spare cartridges. I was not impressed.

How am I supposed to protect the Enterprise against that thing above with a friction powered ZapBrannigan Atomic Ray gun? Kirk better hope he doesn't get eaten up by a bug, cause I'm not gonna be able to help him when he gets his keester in a crack.
Maybe I can sneak his weapons room key away from him while he's sleeping or in the Johnny Pot room. I wonder if Uhura would order me one off the interwebs? Mumzie's paypal account seems to have some sort of overdraft problem. Maybe I shouldn't have ordered that nifty

Model 12 Farnzeworth Zippie-do-dah personal shuttle craft last week. Turns out I gotta qualify to drive it, too.

Sheeesh - Space rules are the pits!