Thursday, December 30, 2021

Zerobrear Polybear promoted to "Master Chef de Jour"

Well, I was in the kitchen rustling up some grub the other day, 






when Da walked in on my culinary efforts. We got into a discussion about my training (or lack thereof) and the unfortunate event that happened a few weeks back.



When I was skillet roasting a pizza slice I discovered in the fridge. 

I assured Da (choose one) that 

1 - I did not do that
2 - That Fluffy Cat was fully responsible, 
3 - That it could have been burglars, trying to cover their pizza theft crime.
4 - Aren't firemen swell guys! and Isn't that little lizard a really nice Insurance guy?

You guys know Da is not the most trusting guy and, at some point during the discussion, he asked me:

What do you think you are? A Master Chef?



 Well, I thought that was a peachy idea, so I got on the interwebs (Da's account) and found a guy in the Ukraine, who runs an interwebs cooking school. After two hours instruction and a paypal (Thanks Mumzie) transfer of $12.37, I is now a Master Chef de Jour. I'll share m diploma when it comes through the mail in a week or two.

Step aside Emerald and Boy-are-D, a new frying pan just rode into town.




More later.  

Friday, May 7, 2021

Free at last!



 All I can say is prison was a drag, but I'm going to put that behind me now. I have a swell parole officer, who actually likes PolyBears, so maybe this will work out.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

38,000th Viewer Contest

You know what?
 
Yep, I figured you did, so I'm going
to change up the scam
contest a little this time.
 
Everyone is elegible
 
 
for a winner's prize this time.

Just send me
 
$237,892.13 to cover shipping and handling
 
cash only - sorry no checks accepted because
 
 
this guy tried to stiff me last month.
 
Claimed he was former head honcho of the Fed, too.
 
Teach me to trust a quasi governmental politico.
 
I hacked into his facebook account
and fixed his wagon though.
 
You'd be surprised how easy it is to alter a photo
 with any of Adobi Corporation's fine line
of graphic alteration tools
(available at your fine local Barner and Nuble
store conveniently located in your local strip mall.)
 
Anyhow, to everyone who comes across with the cash
our awards committee ChairBear will carefully
select (just for) you one of the following swell prizes:
 
 
Maybe this honey of a speedboat.
 
 
or
 
 
You might win this speedwagon in the color of your choice.
 
or maybe
 
 
This slick piece of carbon fiber flying stuff. 
 
It's certainly my favorite give away prize 
and it might be your favorite, too.
 
 
or for a limited number of winnners
 
 
Possible permanent ownership of this
Unique masterpiece to be relocated from
the Louvre to your diggs by an art thief friend I met
in a chat room the other night.
 
Or perhaps
 
 
One of these custom grown Gourds.
 
or a gourd of similar design and size.
 
Just look at how happy that lucky winner was
as he attempted to select his prize.
 
 
just send your money and we'l get right to work
ordering your gourd or the Jet/Boat/Car/Mona/whatever.
 
Boy!
 
I wish I was a s lucky as you guys.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Life in a computerless world

Over the past few days. I have
experienced what Blog Life without a
computer would be like.
 
All 12 (14? 13?)of you who follow the blog
probably have experienced some of it, too.
 
 
Da
 
Has contracted with SlowPoke Computer Repair
to have his machine put back in order. All they will say
is that it is "Very Sick".
 
How was I to know that clicking on
a website named
 
 
would cause any problems.
 
Oh well...
 
Did you know they have computers at the
 
 
public library.
 
However
 
They also have a sign that says
 
"PolyBear Use Not Permitted"
 
Evidently they are not only unable to forgive
they are also slow to forget.
 
sheeeeeesh
 
I will always maintain it wasn't my fault.
It was an assident and although the
Grand Jury did discuss the incident, the
records clearly state that no charges were ever filed.

 

Friday, September 7, 2012

There is Foot Ball Tomorrow

In lots of places I have been told
 
Tonight Too?
 
Wow!
 
Even Sunday?
 
Jeepers.
 
However let's stick with college ball.
 
Who'da thunk they play football
 
 
 
Out Up there in Oregon?
 
Their guy looks like he has anger issues to me.
 
anyhow,
 
Here it's
 
the Good Old
 
 
Mississippi State Bulldogs
 
"Go Dawgs!"
 
VS the
 
West Georgia
 
 
WarEaglePlainsmenTigers
(I sense an identity crisis down there)
 
Booooooooooooooo!
 
I think that is their mascot
 
but tomorrow
 
 
 
This guy may be more their style!
 
I hope...
 
 
 


Is there a doctor or priest in the house?

I guess I'm in trouble.

Da says I must now use the word "again"

I'm in trouble again.
(satisfied Da?)
 
Anyhow, I was just surfing around in the
pink lady chat room the other night.

 
Looking for some action with my best
Pink Lady Friend, Shiela.
 
!!!! HooYa !!!!
 
And Da says I picked up a virus on his computer.
 
I wasn't trying to pick up anyone.
All I know is now when you turn the dang thing on
 
 
This pops up and the machine locks.
 
Da says that something is Festering on the
motherboard.
 
Anyone know
 
 
an Exorcist?
 
Or maybe
 
 
a virologist.
 
Anyhow. I have snucked into the neighbor's house
to post this.
 
Interesting... does anyone know how to open
 
 
 a safe that probably has lots
of interesting stuff inside?
 
As long as I'm already in here
I have the time to investigate.
 
Apparantly they are in Chicago all weekend.
 
Slipping past the alarm system was easypeasey but
that safe has a certain PolyBear
(who will remain nameless) frustrated.
 
Wait!
 
 
I forgot...
 
 
I picked up just the thing for an uncooperative safe.
I ordered it two weeks ago and have it hidden under a tarp
out in Da's polebarn waiting for a problem just like this.
 
You can't go wrong remembering the 
Boy Scout Motto.
 
You don't know it?
 
Well, take notes Tenderfoot
because there will be a test.
 
It's
 
"Walk softly and use a long fuse." 
 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Tailgating

 
Unless you are in a cave,
you probably know that

it's Football Season.
 
 
Well, it is, even if you
don't live in a
cave.
 
One of my favorite parts of the entire
fall football experience is
 
Tailgating
 
If you love big crowds and
 
 
swell eats, You would enjoy tailgating too.
 
There are lots of food options
for the tailgating fan.
 
 
Burgers
 
 
Cake stuff
 
 
Chips of all types
 
 
Sandwiches
 
and if you drop by our tent
 
early enough
 
you might get
 
some of my
 
favorite
 
tailgating
 
 
food
 
 
 
waffles.
 
I like them fancy when we go tailgating.
 
Da says I must yell
 
 
Go Dawgs!
 
at some point whenever I post Football stuff.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Any Music Lovers Out There?



My friend, George is a musician.



He is trying to start up a
band and wondered



if he could





drum up any interest here.

Oh man I just kill myself sometimes.


Saturday, September 1, 2012

Everyone likes sunsets


over the ocean

and


everyone likes puppies.


So


I


thought I'd


give you


a sunset


over the ocean


complete with a


puppy.

Sure wish he would
move over just a tad.

Friday, August 31, 2012

It's Finally Here!

 
Da is so excited he can bearly stand it.
 
Me too. - especially the bear part.

And so - Here they are.
 
 
The New Guys in Town
 
Booooooooooo!
 
 
The Big Guys in Town
 
Booooooooooooooo!
 
 
The Hoooo Dats?
 
Boooooooooooooooooooooo!
 
 
West Georga's WarEagleTigerPlainsmens
 
Booooooooooooooo!
 
 
Another school with an identity crisis
 
Boooooooooooooooooo!
 
 
The BBQ on the hoof guys
 
Booooooooooooooooo!
 
and
 
and
 
and
 
and
 
 
Da's Favorite (mine too)
 
 
The Bully Dogs
 
Woof! Woof! Woof!
 
YEeeeaaaAaaaaaAaaaaaaa !!! Bulldogs!!!!
 
What?
 
There is an SEC Eastern Division?
 
Who?
 
Oh Them
 
cool your jets just a minute
 
Here
 
 
Pflibbt!
 
Also Rans...
&
Wanna Bees
 
satisfied?
 
 

What's as pretty as a beautiful sunset?


A beautiful


sunrise!

And what comes right after sunrise?


Waffles!

Its gonna be a good good day.



Thursday, August 30, 2012

Ask ZeroBear

Oh Mr. ZeroBear,

Can you help me with a question
I have pondered for a long time
with no clear answer?

What is the singular premise of
our existence in the universe?

Signed,


William - A fellow seeker.


***

Dear Willie,

You don't mind if I call you Willie, do you?

You know, I gott'a say,
I think you look more like him than he did.

But I bet you already knew that.

Anyhow

Singular?

Sure, I can do that,
as long as we keep it simple
because it's all simple.

I think that to him, we are a lot like


this.

And yet he remains interested in each of us.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Does anyone know

what's going on over in Alabama?

Do they have giants over there?


Why would I be asking that?



Well,


Just look at what I saw
headed in that direction Saturday morning.


Have you ever seen a


roll of toilet paper this big before?

I figure giants be living over there.


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A moment of admiration

For Mumzies everywhere.

You go girls!


I bet she took that lad home and made him


some waffles for dinner.

Mumzies!

Gotta love'em.