Thursday, February 18, 2010

Don't Get All Jealous On Me
But I want to talk about my stuff.
By ZeroBear

A fellow needs to stop every once and a while and think about how lucky he is. Since I only  have one eye for a while and can't get around very well, I have lots of time to think about all my stuff. First of all there are the Chipmunks. They are pretty good friends and stick by me most all the time. Other than the fact they have taken to calling me old PatchEye I have no complaints about them. I wish Peaches would shut her dang mouth sometimes, but what can you say? SOmetimes you just have to take a friend they way they are. At least that's what I tell Miz Scarlet and Miz Pearlie.

Then there is my flashlight collection. I have Big Red. He is my most heavy duty rainy stormy night and the lights went out helper. Then there is my trusty little 28 caliber booger blaster. And finally my middle sized 2 bat-tree twist and shoot light that is my old go to when I need to throw a light at something moving in the dark. Da says it will really put a knot on the side of your head. The way he says it is a little more colorful than that, but maybe my less colorful version will still give you an idea how effective it is when a guy needs to protect the bedroom in the dark by "throwing some light".

I keeps my very bestest stuff is in my fishbox. Don't hate me, but let me show you all the nifty stuff I have inside.

My #1 best things are safely stored here. First of all I have cartridges. There are five of them there. I had more, but had to fire at a booger the other night and blasted away at him four times before the screams stopped me. Da says thank goodness my aim was a little off. I keep telling him to say something before he strikes out from the bed toward the toilet, but he always forgets.  I guess he'l fix the holes in the wall this weekend. I figure these things happen even to the best of us. I gotta figure out what he did with the shooting piece that goes with my cartridges cause he managed to hide it somewheres while I was in time out. Regardless of what happened to my eye I need that pistolee.

Next of importance is my compass. It's nice because somehow it always knows where north is and a guy always needs to know where north is, because PolyBears need to keep up with that kind of stuff. If I can ever figure out how it works then I'll always know too.That's for sure. Da tried to explain how it works, but it all sounds like foo-ee to me.

Then you'll see, I has a really nice roll of dental floss. That McGuyver guy on TV once built a catipult with two rubber bands (see them in there?) and a much smaller roll of dental floss than I have! With a catipult I could pult me some cats if came across any and that would be great fun. 

Yes, that is a genuine Fender guitar pick you see. The guitar is in the living room. Mumzie thinks I don't know where she hid it because I likes to play late at night, when the moon is bright and the time is right, the feeling gets tight and I plays allright like dynomite. I'll show it to you some other day. Go do an interwebs search for "PolyBear blues" on YouTube if you want to hear me pick out some sweet sad notes. 

Some guys gots it all don't we?

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