Monday, October 31, 2011

It was just one of those tunes

Has you ever heard a song and then you can't get it out of your head?

FluffyKitty was surfing the interwebs two weeks back and he found this song. Granted, it is a good song as far as cult mewsick goes, but now he walks around the house singing it just about 24/7.

Frankly, I is getting tired of it. I know, don't call you Frank Lee.

I thought long and hard, but finally decided to show it to you so's that you can be unable to get it out of your noggin, too.

Listen if you dare and suffer whatever happens. Don't say  I didn't warn you.

He is laughing at you even as you click on the LinkyDink, saying "Click and be sorry. you knows you wants to." 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I is Becoming a World Famous Authority on FluffyKitties

I has learned so much about Fluffy Kitties this afternoon that I must know more than anybody else anywhere around, but before we get to that let me tell you some swell stuff about Da's tool collection first.

Da has lots of tools.

He gotz prybars 

No closed door is safe when you got these babies at your disposal.

He gots weapons of destruction

I has to work at it to get this puppy moving, but when I does, watch out!

Da says I'm wrong, but I think you uses this to shave Giants!

Maybe they uses it to shorten really long nozes. I is still unsure.

Best of all I likes DA'S power tools, which I uses all the time, and that involves what I learned about FluffyKitty this afternoon.

This is called a grinder. It is used for grinding.

This is a Drill

Them attachments is drills. They are just as useful as the drill when you is drilling.

I likes Da's yellow tools. You probably knows that I has a yellow leg.

All if this brings me to FulffyKitty and what I learned today. You may not know this, but FluffyKitties does not like things that whir really fast, especially around their headbones.

Neither does they like the practice of home dentistry. Maybe it is the word practice that bothers them.

As much as I learned this afternoon I does have a question if someone would e-mail me an answer. How does you get a FluffyKitty down out of the big tree in the front yard? 

I promised I would practice on Mumzie or Da before cleaning his toofers, but it is getting dark and he shows not nary a hint of coming down.

I called the Fire Department and they said they is tired of coming out to take care of some problem I has gotten into. Thye also suggested I stops using 911 to call them. They took it as an insult when I sugested they is just Sunday Afternoon lazy goofoffs and that a little ladder work would be good for them, since they is likely just wasting my tax dollars watching TV at the Fire Station when they out to be out rescuing FuffyKitty who seems to be climbing even higher whenevrr I goes outside to try to talk some reson into him. Even telling the fireguys they could probably run the siren on their way out didn't help.

Wonder does Mumzie have a can of tuna in the pantry.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Ready for the Disaster?

Everybody needs a good disaster kit, just in case. What the heck does I mean Just in Case? Friends, the just in case is headed right at us and will be here in 13 days, which is the official arrival day of what smart peoples and other Know-It-Alls likes to refer to as

The end of what?

11/11/11, which is the end of Uh ... everything

Of course I could be wrong (and the Pope could be a Pinochle Player)

So the bigest question for tonight is

How well stocked is your disaster kit?

You'll need a few essential items if you have a good disaster kit. Let's review what you need:

1 = Firepower

Bonzo likes his 45 cal and he is a crack shot. A few years back, I understand he popped a ciggy out of future President Ronald Regan's mouth in one rapidly executed shot. Sadly it got cut from the movie because Ronnie screamed like a girlscout when Bonzo made his shot. As for me, I go for versatility in shoulder fired weapons of various military calibers. My choice is the National Arms Asortment:

Of course, any self respecting Poly Bear needs a good pig shooter when facing a disaster and I is well prepared to shoot me some pigs if needed.

There is a little pig that lives upstairs who will be the first to go - maybe by lunch on 11/13/11

I has had him in my sights before, but he talked his way out. "Please don't shoot me Mr. ZeroBear PolyBear. I promise to give you proper respect. " I'm such a chump. He said he would and he didn't. Next time, he is a goner.

# 2 = Grub - You needs Grub

I has purchased me a Pronto Pup Stand from Carney Suppliers International. They had an Interwebs special this week for their deluxe model, with the max capacity fry unit. I charged it to Mumzie's Visa Card.  They should deliver it on a big flatbed next week, complete with a thousand million boxes of sticks and a dumptruck load of Pronto Pup Mix.

I plan on putting Mumzie to work around 11/09/11 and having her cook up about a Bozillion footlong ProntoPups for us to take with us.
I has also obtained one of these babies:

Cause a PolyBear cannot live by Pronto Pups alone. He must have an occassional Icee. I likes the Cherry ones.

I also has ordered a trailer load of Waffle mix and Funnel Cake batter.

#3 = Friends - I has lots of friends and they is all coming with me. There is Mumzie and Old what's his name? Uh - Da - that's his name. His name is Da. They will be my main backups for stuff like Waffle making, Pronto Pup cooking Tater Tot serving, Funnel Cake dusting, tummie rubbing and Limo Driving for me and my possey

Take With us? Well, we are leaving the building that day, cause I aint hanging around for no End of the World event.

 #4 = Get away vehicle - You need a get away vehicle if you plans on getting away, which I do.

I can't discuss this baby, except to say I purchased it from this dude:

Does look a lot like him doesn't it? (wink wink) Yep the whole thing was faked. Most of you already suspected that, or will now claim that you did. He actually is a Crown Prince from another place. Hasn't aged a day in 50 years. He and the Colonel did it all with latex and stage make-up.

Can you come with us?

I think not. You see I has discovered the secret to time manipulation. We has already left and we aint even gone yet.

I Feels Obligated to Report

There is some really scary stuff coming up that we needs to get prepared for.

11/11/11 scary?

Nope - that's only the end of the world and we're talking much more worser than that

Friday the 13th coming on a Sunday next month scary?

Granted, that scary fact makes a little PolyBear's nose hairs stand on end in fear, but even scarier than that.

Yes, worser that anything I has mentioned so far. We'ze talking really scary so get prepared.

Yikes! Scarier than this.

Yipes! but even worser than this.

So bad that fluffy kitty passed out in fear!

So scary that it makes even this look like keylime fluffystuff pie (Mumzie's is the best you'll ever eat). As brave as I is, even I can't take much more of this kin'da stuff. However we must go on, so get ready to be frightened out of your noodle pie.

Demon Dogs? In disguise? Right outisde your door?

I know. Scares me too, but you must know about this danger at the door.

There was a time when all you had to worry about was Vacuum Cleaner Salespeoples when the bell rang and you opened the door, but door opening times is gettin worser and worster every day.

You needs to know the truth, so as long as I can stands it, I'll show you the truth if you can take it, cause that's the kind of PolyBear I is.

Some of this stuff is pretty bad, so suck it up Pilgrim and get ready for the worstest few minutes of fear you has had since you decided to log on here.

I know, why must you be forced to look at this dark terror that might come knocking at your door one dark and scary night?

The levels they will stoop to are fiendish




Even I has had too much!

OK, you has been warned! There is only one line of defense you can use when these horrible terrible frightful demon dogs of the night comes knocking on your door, ready to woof down your brains. Pay attention! All youse guys are thinking about is that candy bar down at the Stop-and-Shop calling to you or those tater chips waiting for you to come and get them out of the pantry cabinet and you need to be paying attention to me!

The lives of your fambily could depend on your strict adherence to these instructions.

Take notes if you care about your children!

1 - Keep a pile of these attention diversion devices close to the front door at all times

2 . When they shows up, and trust me, they will.

3 - As quickly as possible, and remember - every fraction of a nanosecond matters, throw the device as far away from the door as possible.

4 - Hopefully the Demon Dog will be lured away from you long enough for you to secure your home - IF YOU ACT QUICKLY.
5 - And no, dummy - Do not reopen the door - Don't you understand they are still hiding out there as long as it is still dark. Didn't you learn anything when you watched Halloween 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, or 13? What happened in "I know your name and I know what you did" when that cheerleader girl opened the door and stepped out into the dark? Well, the same thing will happen to you. I can hear them breathing just outside the door. Can't you?

6 - There is a second (alternate) attention diversion device you might consider

This works with some of them.

Good luck. You will need it. I have little hope for some of you dummies. My buddy Leggo Larry expresses my opinion of some of you very well.

There is no reason to name names. You already knows who you is.


Friday, October 28, 2011

Rain Rain Rain

Dreary Day PolyBear Blues


There must be a happy duck somewheres,

or a fish that is beside hisself with Joy,

  but a little PolyBear could get moldy here todays.

My friends try their best to entertain me, cause there is nuttin to do when it gets like this.

My good friend Chicken George seemed worried about me and did his best to cheer me up with a little of his Georga One Step Dancing, but I just  couldn't get into it.

For some reason, TV was awful, too.

Mumzie said I just needed some comfort food. Nice, but even a big bowl of her Hot Pot and a PolyBear belly scratching didn't help.

I is just funkeyed out.

Rain Rain go away.
Wet my yard some other day.

By the way

World disaster day is only 15 days away.

Are you ready?

I am.

Except I needs more raspberry Zingers,

cause you can't ever have too many Zingers, especially raspberry ones