Saturday, October 29, 2011

Ready for the Disaster?

Everybody needs a good disaster kit, just in case. What the heck does I mean Just in Case? Friends, the just in case is headed right at us and will be here in 13 days, which is the official arrival day of what smart peoples and other Know-It-Alls likes to refer to as

The end of what?

11/11/11, which is the end of Uh ... everything

Of course I could be wrong (and the Pope could be a Pinochle Player)

So the bigest question for tonight is

How well stocked is your disaster kit?

You'll need a few essential items if you have a good disaster kit. Let's review what you need:

1 = Firepower

Bonzo likes his 45 cal and he is a crack shot. A few years back, I understand he popped a ciggy out of future President Ronald Regan's mouth in one rapidly executed shot. Sadly it got cut from the movie because Ronnie screamed like a girlscout when Bonzo made his shot. As for me, I go for versatility in shoulder fired weapons of various military calibers. My choice is the National Arms Asortment:

Of course, any self respecting Poly Bear needs a good pig shooter when facing a disaster and I is well prepared to shoot me some pigs if needed.

There is a little pig that lives upstairs who will be the first to go - maybe by lunch on 11/13/11

I has had him in my sights before, but he talked his way out. "Please don't shoot me Mr. ZeroBear PolyBear. I promise to give you proper respect. " I'm such a chump. He said he would and he didn't. Next time, he is a goner.

# 2 = Grub - You needs Grub

I has purchased me a Pronto Pup Stand from Carney Suppliers International. They had an Interwebs special this week for their deluxe model, with the max capacity fry unit. I charged it to Mumzie's Visa Card.  They should deliver it on a big flatbed next week, complete with a thousand million boxes of sticks and a dumptruck load of Pronto Pup Mix.

I plan on putting Mumzie to work around 11/09/11 and having her cook up about a Bozillion footlong ProntoPups for us to take with us.
I has also obtained one of these babies:

Cause a PolyBear cannot live by Pronto Pups alone. He must have an occassional Icee. I likes the Cherry ones.

I also has ordered a trailer load of Waffle mix and Funnel Cake batter.

#3 = Friends - I has lots of friends and they is all coming with me. There is Mumzie and Old what's his name? Uh - Da - that's his name. His name is Da. They will be my main backups for stuff like Waffle making, Pronto Pup cooking Tater Tot serving, Funnel Cake dusting, tummie rubbing and Limo Driving for me and my possey

Take With us? Well, we are leaving the building that day, cause I aint hanging around for no End of the World event.

 #4 = Get away vehicle - You need a get away vehicle if you plans on getting away, which I do.

I can't discuss this baby, except to say I purchased it from this dude:

Does look a lot like him doesn't it? (wink wink) Yep the whole thing was faked. Most of you already suspected that, or will now claim that you did. He actually is a Crown Prince from another place. Hasn't aged a day in 50 years. He and the Colonel did it all with latex and stage make-up.

Can you come with us?

I think not. You see I has discovered the secret to time manipulation. We has already left and we aint even gone yet.

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