We're taking a day or two off this week

Probably Friday, because I can't tell you

how bad that day will be. I have no real way
of knowing, except that I'm thinking

it will be filled with horrible things like

fire in the sky

Locust swarms

and

(aaargh)

the words are too painful.

They fail me.

By now you probably have figured out that that day is

Friday the

I wish you luck

You'll need it.



A Really Safe - Safe Room?

Do you have one?

No?

Well

What will you do when the Zombies attack?

Will you hide behind your moat?

First of all you probably don't have one

and if you did, they will wait until you drop

the drawbridge

And then come streaming across your entrance ramp.

and at that point

you are dead meat.

So you think you can hide?

I have several good hiding places, but I understand that

once it gets dark they will come to your house

and find you regardless of where you hide

After careful consideration I have

decided that what you need is a

Safe Room

I have been working on my idea

Don't tell the Zombies, but it involves Da's Safe Box

and a basket full of Tater Tots.

What do you think?

Zombie proof?

I wonder how long I can hold my breath

once I pull the door closed

1 Mississippi

2 Mississippi

3 Mississippi

....

Hopefully long enough for them to lose interest and go eat

Mr Billingsworth

(our State Farm guy)

I bet I need to stockpile some RootBeer

Mumzie - I needs 50 cases of rootbeer.

11/11/11 incidents

Ever the servant to my readers, and since Mumzie and Da are out today, leaving me full access to Mumzie's puter, I have invested the extensive time required to scour all of the available news outlets in order to determine the extent of the dreaded 11/11/11 disaster occurrences.

The result of this investigation, which required a full 20 minutes of investigative work, completed in the time interval between SpongeBob episode # 418

 (the one where SpongeBob purchases a cast iron door stop from a traveling salestuna and watches in horror as it rusts away - I won't reveal the climatic scene in case you have not seen this episode  but the following is a hint at the drama coming to an unforgettable conclusion in the climatic scene of this episode)

Anyhoo, between the SpongeBob show and a chocolate milk

and cookies snack. I discovered a startling discovery that I will share here as a:

!!!! BREAKING NEWS FLASH !!!!

  In my research efforts I have uncovered an international conspiracy has taken place to silence the level of horribleness associated with the 11/11/11 disaster.

What I discovered is that there has been pitifully close to nuttin in the TV news Media Services informing the American  - excuse me - my apologies to all of my faithful international followers from Canada, Australia, Hong Kong, Chicago, and Miami so let me rewrite that - to all of my faithful International News Junkies and Junkettes.

Let me start over

They is keeping 11/11/11 a secret from everyone!

The evidence?

1. When 11/11/11 started (at 12:00:01 am on 11/11/11, or moments after the last "BONG" sounded on Da's Haunted Hallway Clock, which scares the BeeGeeBees out of me every time it goes off) there wasn't a single emergency defense siren that sounded anywhere in my neighborhood. Was there one sounding out an alarm in yours? I thought not.
2. Did "Misty and Marty in the Morning" even mention 11/11/11 on their TV early morning show (Channel 6, your up to the minute source for Meridian News)? Nope, they was too busy doing a new recipe for fluffy scrambled eggs with GooseBerry fruit and pudding cups, featuring Chef Bubba and his dancing PeekaPoo.
3. To my knowledge, there was not a single network interruption during Judge Judy, and I know several suspicious things happened during that hour that should have been reported.
4. My good friend Dave Letterman wanted to do a special segment on his show featuring that electrician and Gaffer team that does his special reports, but the proposal was SHOT DOWN BY CBS NETWORK EXECUTIVES. My understanding is that at least one of them is a Shriner, two of them is lower level Masons and one other belongs to the Civitan's Club.
5. Did you see anything on the Paris France nightly news about Dogs sleeping with cats? I thought they would avoid mentioning that.
6. Since I began putting this report together twenty minutes ago, the phone has rung three times and when I answered, one of the calls WAS A HANG UP. In the moments before the line went blank, I could have sworn I heard a Spaniard snoring. Here comes the clincher. The other two was supposed "Plastic Siding Contractor" offers to reside Mumzie and Da's House who hung up as soon as I started shouting about the TriLaterial Commission plotting against PolyBears. Oh, yeh - Has anyone yet recognized that the Acronymmmes for "Plastic Siding Contractor" is PSC?

Frightening isn't it?

Well I wants to put it in writing her for the world to read.

ZEROBEAR POLYBEAR AIN'T ASCARED OF NO PLASTIC SIDING CONTRACTOR!

I is somewhat scared of bumps in the dark:

and Zombies:

and SpaceBoogers



Yeh - Like none of you wooses are scared of zombie space boogers bumping in the darkness...

But I ain't scared of no Siding Contractor.

So I hereby take on my responsibility as an ethical Reporter of the TRUTH and hereby (for a second and possibly thrid time) - HEREBY - Report the Horrible Terrible Things that Happened on 11/11/11.

!!! WARNING !!!

ALL LITTLE CHILDREN AND SEVERAL OF THE MORE SISSY MEN WHO READ THIS SHOULD GO LOOK AT DRUDGE REPORT OR SOMETHING LESS SCARY THAN WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SHOW. 

It was reported that cats was sleeping with dogs.

Some pets was so bad they were forced into time outs until they learned the difference in inside and outside behavior.

Little childrens was forced to watch horrible stuff

Cars belonging to Mumzies was accidentally left in Drive when little unnamed PolyBears took them for a test drive while Mumzie was in the Grocery Store.

Grown men acted like Whiny Babies when they didn't win Best Moustache prize at the bi-weekly Lions Club Lunch at the Fifteenth Street Bar and Grill. (has you ever figured out what Bi-weekly means? I hasn't either).

Guys got shot through the head with Arrows and were forced to smile like it didn't really hurt

Elvi wedding crashers ran amok

This last one is too Turruble To Describe. Just look and Shudder at the Horror

In conclusion i ask, "Why did they hide this from us?

We has the right to know this stuff."

Reported by

Internationally Famous InterWebs Reporter

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq.

Oh I forgot the worstest thing that happened.

They left off the Tater Tots from my order at Bubba's Big Burger.

I told you it was a conspiracy!

Sheesh.

Is it over yet?

Is it 11/12/11 now?

Has we all made it?

Mumzie?

Da?

FluffyKitty?

Bueller?

Bueller?

...

Ferris Bueller?

...



More News From The Ever-Increasing World of Dangerous Vegetables

by

Ace Interwebs Reporter

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq.

Yes, I is ever in search of startling information that my many readers need to keep current on as they attempts to navigate their way through the ever more dangerous world of vegetable danger. In light of this, tonight we needs to discuss that vegetable that strikes fear into the hearts of vegetable munchers around the world and in Georgia.

Yes, Dear Hearts, tonight we is going to discuss

Okra!

!!!! Yikes !!!!

Granted, this hardy flowering plant of the Mallow fambly, with the edible seed pod is a highly sought after ingredient of any decent Gumbo.

Them little green things floating in that luscious sausage, chicken and gravy treat is Okras, which is African for Okras.

Whoo'da thunk it?

Okras is nice cooked many different ways.

They is tasty fried treats.

A slimy delicacy when boiled.

Interesting grilled on a skewer stick

(to keep them from running away)

Da, likes them cooked with To-matters.

Yes, the same To-matters featured in the killer To-matter movies

Salad lovers (not me) likes'em pickled.

Shoot, they is even good frittered.

(that red and Green out of focus junk is salsa for Mumzie and Da, but not this little PolyBear)

!!!! BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT WE IS HERE TO EXPOSE TONIGHT !!!!

Did you noze that they is also Notorious Fighters?

Well they is....

As an example, look no further than Cleveland, Mississippi and the Delta State

Is you ready for this?

Delta State Fighting Okras!

Evidently these Okras is scary fierce

I think this little sandle wearing fellow is a goner.

If my sources is correct, there is one last even more fierce Okra out there and as an ace (of clubs) reporter I feels it is my duty to all of my fellow reporters faithfully serving the public in their positions of responsibility to Interwebs News reading public to share the Truth

Can you handle the Truth?

Can You Handle it?

Is you sure?

Well here it comes.   

Yes Here is the much feared

OKRA WINFREY!

What?

Oh....

Uh ... Forget that last one.

My Bad.

They wants a retraction?

Oh the shame of forced humility!

"I ZeroBear PolyBear, esq. hereby states that I was misled by FluffyKitty and hereby retracts anything I may have wroten about Miz Okra Winfrey. Sorry, Okra."

Signed

(the Hugely embarrassed faced)

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq

Nine days left until

11/11/11

There are so many things to get done.

Has you hugged your Mumzie today?

Has you asked your Da for a three week advance on your allowance?

Has you entered a camel race?

Has you competed in a cheese roll?

Has you gotten rid of those letters you wrote to Miz Scarlet but never mailed after she ran away with the pig and LEFT YOU ALONE AND SAD SAD SAD!!! A PIG!!!! HOW COULD SHE DO THAT TO MEEZ?

Has you loaded all your important files on your thumb drive?

Has you told your hampsters you love them?

Has you threatened the Joint Assembly of the United Nations with a cucumber?

No?

You need to get busy.

Nine Days...

until 11/11/11

Tick Tock - Tick Tock