Friday, October 14, 2011

This may be my last post

All I can say is "Dry Them Eyes, Pilgrims!"

Life changes and all good stuff must eventually end.

And unfortunately for you guys, I is embarking on a new career.

A few days back I was reading the latest issue of my favorite online magazine

And I discovered a way to achieve my life-long ambition.

On the side bar, they had an advertizement for an exciting new career. Yep, I is becoming an airline pilot!

Mr George tells me I should be able in no time at all to accomplish this dream of every PolyBear - I'll take over the controls of the new Airbus-A380    

and carry thousands of adventurous folks wherever they want to go around this beautiful world. So I quickly began moving forward toward accomplishing my goal and right away, was well on my way to achieving this lifelong dream I discovered I had only a few minutes earlier, right after I got the bad news that I had flunked out of The Southern Carwash Equipment Operator Academy.

Sadly, I failed Soap Dispensing - a very difficult and eye-stinging task that they thought was needed to get my certification. I don't agree, but whatz a PolyBear to do when the deck is stacked against him?

Anyhoo, the sky is now the limit to this PolyBear. Right away, I figured I should do a little pre-career training, so I ordered me a first rate book ($12,78 Local Sales Tax may apply) using Mumzie's Visa card

and quickly got all the important details down quickly. The following demonstrates my quick grasp of important Pilot stuff.

"This is Captain ZeroBear and I'll be flying all youse good folks over to Paris this morning. Weathergirl Sally ClearSkys from KFLY's Early Morning Crew says it will be clear sailing all the way across the big pond, so just sit back, have a bag of peanuts and part of a can of pop on me and we'll have you there as quick as you can scream imminent mid-air-disaster."
I continue to make good progress in my efforts. This morning I soloed my first flight out at Meridian's Key Field. I got there real early and much to my disappointment discovered they had not yet opened for the day. They had a pretty good looking starter plane right beside the terminal and had an attractive offer posted right on their fence, so I took them at their word, as any good Bear would, shinnied under a gap in the chain link and decided to take her up for a spin.

It was a short flight, but I'll take what I can get for the first one. I'll go back later and try again when they get the dang thing turned back over. Must'a been a freak cross wind or something.

More progress
After I got back home, I decided to do some research on the interwebs to decide who I was gonna work for. Most of the big airlines have nice uniforms

So I do not need to be concerned with how I look at the wheel.  
I went ahead and ordered a cap cause they was on close out special this week

Looks pretty good don't it?

Shortly after breakfast, I decided on Quontos Airlines. 
Here is what swung the decision their way:

Air France Food - I think NOT. Nary a TaterTot in sight (sad, sad, sad).

American? (gag) Yep that's a plate of microwaved whazzit?

Delta? (gross-eeee-oh-so)

United? (Yikes!)

Let's get to Quontos and how they got me. It actually was a pretty simple and easy to make decision. I arrived at my decision like this - what does every airline pilot worth having need, and want and crave the first thing every day?
Yes we do.
And I jumped for joy when I found that Quontos is famous for serving them...


You gotz it!


Australian Waffles!!!

Anyhoo, I is gonna hitch my giddey-up to the airline famous for their Flying Waffle Breakfast. 

Look at how happy their breakfast of champions has made famous Disco Dancer and sometimes Quontos Pilot John (Bennie the Barber) Travelottea.

Just look at all that pilotly confidence stacked up behind that steely gaze.

Near as I can tell, it is entirely due to two things:

1 - The cap
2 - The uniform
3 - The waffles

Johnny T. flies a Quontos 727, which is little plain jane for me. I has selected a much prettier ride for my plane, similar to this baby

Colorful? I think so.


I have learned to fly this baby pretty good upside down, should we encounter any freaky cross winds. All I can say is It evidently happens when you least expects it.

I has selected a trustworthy crew already. That's George and Doug. Ol' Doug is in my seat, cause I is the chief head honcho pilot and he has to sit on the jump seat, in case I yells "Jump".

They is both pretty good pilot guys and I think we will be fine as long as Doug knows how to jump.

I has been practicing my pilot talk and I is gettin pretty good at it.

"This is Captain ZeroBear and I'll be flying this bucket of rusty bolts and Duck Tape up to Topeka this morning, so why don't youse guys stretch back and have a waffle whist I gets the rubber band wound up and coaxes this flying GreyHound offen the ground and into the air - I hope, Ha Ha - just kidding there - maybe. You might want to hold on cause we has flown upside down a time or two when we ran into some freaky cross winds and I can't guarantee it won't happen again this morning. How's them waffles? Yep, I likes me some waffles too. Anyhoo, all of us at Quontos wants to thank all of you back there for choosing our waffles this morning. We knows you could have gone to Waffle House, since they pretty much never close

and still you chose to have waffles with us. While I can't fully support the wisdom of that decision cause Waffle House is pretty good, we still want to thank you for choosing us."

Whew...Bad News already...Seems like Quontos has turned me down.

This piloting stuff gets pretty tough at times. Seems the Australian Government has all kinds of rules, like no Poly Bear Pilots, no flying upside down, and no crawling under fences to "borrow" an airplane. Evidently they is also opposed to trying to smuggle waffles into France on a test flight. How was I to know they had security cameras and hard to get along with customs agents. They should post a sign or something so a Poy Bear would know to wear a mask or Groucho Glasses.

Maybe I'll try my paws at the Race Car Driver Bidness

Wonder if Quontos pit crews know how to make waffles?

I'll post later and let you guys know.

By the way, I already has my race car drivers license

Cool Huh? $14.95, tax and shipping not included, from

Apparently getting the pilot's license is going to be a problem after that deal at Key Field and the waffle incident, which both were assidents. I had no ides that waffle was in my map case. It mus'ta fell in while we was flying upside down and Doug was trying to turn us back over while George screamed, "We're all gonne Die!"

What a hoot George is - Honest...

Maybe Mr. Google can help me find a place to order a pilot's license.
Mumzie's gotz lots of Credit on her paypal account. Wonder does the Navy need any pilots, cause landing on a boat would be fun. I may get Da to take me out to the Navy Base so's I can apply. I hear that Sailor Pilots get all the babes.



No comments:

Post a Comment