Saturday, October 1, 2011

ZeroBear's New Machine is Up & Running

That interwebs site is a remarkable (hiss) place.
Did you know that if you can sneak Mumzie's Credit Card (Visa # 8854-3256-8765-0140) out of her wallet and set the linkup properties on Da's I-potty handheld unit just right, you can access the interwebs and in no time at all find yourself a nice sturdy army surplus computer.

This baby only set me back $9.56 and they shipped it to me second day UPS for only $232,874.65 shipping and handling. I has it hid in the storage room. It came with IBM Porthole 1.2 operating system and they suggested I get an update. I'm considering going back to DOS. Da has several copies in his file cabinet and I'll just upgrade to one of them if I can find the floppy drive on this baby. I haven't found it yet, but Shirley there is a dish on this thing that DOS would operate.

Right now, my machine is set up to run on steam, but I may have it converted to Nuclear power. I found a TVA Community Development Grant application last night ( that should cover the rest of the costs, as long as I can obtain a few pounds of Plutonium.  I may have to wait a while to get my fuel. It seems Mumzie's Visa card is maxed out at the moment. Shirley Da will take care of that the next time he pays the bills. If you don't hear from me, I may need to hide out for a day or two after he squares up her account, which seems to be around $230,000 overdrawn.

I have a technical problem

When I hit the enter key a few minutes ago, this jumped out of a little slot at me.

Anybody have any idea what it is? Every time I stick it back in, it just whirrs, clicks a few times, a little bell dings and spits it back out again. Must be an input/output error. Might be a virus (cough-cough-sniffle-wheeze). That would serve me right for not ordering the one they had with the T2 Icosahedral Virus Smacker Pak already installed. I'll Google my query and maybe find an answer. I have no idea who Mr. Google is, but he is one smart/kinky dude. You'd think some of that stuff he posts would be against the law. I wish he would make up his mind on what Icon he wants for his web page. I made up my mind months ago. I bet he lives down the street from that guy Mr. Mickery O. Soft.

I have located some DonaldDucknium and need to find out if it will 
substitute for Plutonium? The TVA guys can't answer my questions. They have the money to buy a reactor plant. You'd think they would know what would work as a power source for my puter. I think if I just slip it in that slit where that card with the holes in it popped out, I could disconnect the steam lines and run this baby like a laptop without their power plant that they refuse to approve without 18,000 metric tons of paperwork and an EPA permit that Robert Oppenheimer himself wouldn't be able to get approved.

Did you know when you go on interweb sites looking for Plutonium, guys in dark suits and sunglasses sit in dark SUVs outside your house? They have a big antenna looking thing pointed at the house. When Da goes out, they drive away quickly and then come back as soon as he comes back inside. He asked if I knew what they wanted and I said, "Nope."

Why must everything be my fault? Did he go ask Mumzie or FluffyKitty? NoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo.
I just found out that DonaldDucknium glows in the dark. It would not only power the puter, but might also double up as a dandy nightlight. I guess that's why it is so expensive.

1 comment:

  1. They actually taught a class for Keypunch Operators when I was in HS. I took the class, and also learned some rudimentary Keypunch Programming.

    My mother was an actually Keypunch Programmer in her day. She made 35 bucks an hour, while men were making 50 bucks an hour for doing exactly the same thing.