Saturday, November 12, 2011

11/11/11 incidents

Ever the servant to my readers, and since Mumzie and Da are out today, leaving me full access to Mumzie's puter, I have invested the extensive time required to scour all of the available news outlets in order to determine the extent of the dreaded 11/11/11 disaster occurrences.

The result of this investigation, which required a full 20 minutes of investigative work, completed in the time interval between SpongeBob episode # 418

 (the one where SpongeBob purchases a cast iron door stop from a traveling salestuna and watches in horror as it rusts away - I won't reveal the climatic scene in case you have not seen this episode  but the following is a hint at the drama coming to an unforgettable conclusion in the climatic scene of this episode)

Anyhoo, between the SpongeBob show and a chocolate milk

and cookies snack. I discovered a startling discovery that I will share here as a:


  In my research efforts I have uncovered an international conspiracy has taken place to silence the level of horribleness associated with the 11/11/11 disaster.

What I discovered is that there has been pitifully close to nuttin in the TV news Media Services informing the American  - excuse me - my apologies to all of my faithful international followers from Canada, Australia, Hong Kong, Chicago, and Miami so let me rewrite that - to all of my faithful International News Junkies and Junkettes.

Let me start over

They is keeping 11/11/11 a secret from everyone!

The evidence?
  1. When 11/11/11 started (at 12:00:01 am on 11/11/11, or moments after the last "BONG" sounded on Da's Haunted Hallway Clock, which scares the BeeGeeBees out of me every time it goes off) there wasn't a single emergency defense siren that sounded anywhere in my neighborhood. Was there one sounding out an alarm in yours? I thought not.
  2. Did "Misty and Marty in the Morning" even mention 11/11/11 on their TV early morning show (Channel 6, your up to the minute source for Meridian News)? Nope, they was too busy doing a new recipe for fluffy scrambled eggs with GooseBerry fruit and pudding cups, featuring Chef Bubba and his dancing PeekaPoo.
  3. To my knowledge, there was not a single network interruption during Judge Judy, and I know several suspicious things happened during that hour that should have been reported.
  4. My good friend Dave Letterman wanted to do a special segment on his show featuring that electrician and Gaffer team that does his special reports, but the proposal was SHOT DOWN BY CBS NETWORK EXECUTIVES. My understanding is that at least one of them is a Shriner, two of them is lower level Masons and one other belongs to the Civitan's Club.
  5. Did you see anything on the Paris France nightly news about Dogs sleeping with cats? I thought they would avoid mentioning that.
  6. Since I began putting this report together twenty minutes ago, the phone has rung three times and when I answered, one of the calls WAS A HANG UP. In the moments before the line went blank, I could have sworn I heard a Spaniard snoring. Here comes the clincher. The other two was supposed "Plastic Siding Contractor" offers to reside Mumzie and Da's House who hung up as soon as I started shouting about the TriLaterial Commission plotting against PolyBears. Oh, yeh - Has anyone yet recognized that the Acronymmmes for "Plastic Siding Contractor" is PSC?
Frightening isn't it?

Well I wants to put it in writing her for the world to read.


I is somewhat scared of bumps in the dark:

and Zombies:

and SpaceBoogers

Yeh - Like none of you wooses are scared of zombie space boogers bumping in the darkness...

But I ain't scared of no Siding Contractor.

So I hereby take on my responsibility as an ethical Reporter of the TRUTH and hereby (for a second and possibly thrid time) - HEREBY - Report the Horrible Terrible Things that Happened on 11/11/11.

!!! WARNING !!!

It was reported that cats was sleeping with dogs.

Some pets was so bad they were forced into time outs until they learned the difference in inside and outside behavior.

Little childrens was forced to watch horrible stuff

Cars belonging to Mumzies was accidentally left in Drive when little unnamed PolyBears took them for a test drive while Mumzie was in the Grocery Store.

Grown men acted like Whiny Babies when they didn't win Best Moustache prize at the bi-weekly Lions Club Lunch at the Fifteenth Street Bar and Grill. (has you ever figured out what Bi-weekly means? I hasn't either).

Guys got shot through the head with Arrows and were forced to smile like it didn't really hurt

Elvi wedding crashers ran amok

This last one is too Turruble To Describe. Just look and Shudder at the Horror

In conclusion i ask, "Why did they hide this from us?
We has the right to know this stuff."

Reported by

Internationally Famous InterWebs Reporter

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq.

Oh I forgot the worstest thing that happened.

They left off the Tater Tots from my order at Bubba's Big Burger.

I told you it was a conspiracy!


No comments:

Post a Comment