Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Ya know, Da's OK for an old coot.
I guess if we want to be technically correct, he isn't really a coot
cause he has no feathers or beak (bill?)
However he's one really old dude. That's for sure. And a little excentric.
Take fishing, for example.
Da is what most folks would call a "Fishing Fool."
I likes fish (of the stick variety) a lot and Da eats fishes, but he wants to catch them on the hoof and then cook them, whereas I is content to walk into the kitchen and place my order with Mumzie for a dozen Miz Paul's Crunchy Sticks of Fish
and a pile of Tater Tots.
Da wants to take a long flippy stick with a green string holder reel hanging off the bottom
and flail away at them like a dang idiot.
Its like he can't make up his mind about anything. He has a whole box of hooks with feathers and hairy strings tied all over them
And other wierd comtraptions he calls flys and lures.
He'll use one for a while and then switch to another, and then back.
And he throws them out at the fish and then jerks them back, time after time after time after time after time...
Now he ain't afraid of putting on tall boots and getting right out there in the river with them. SOmetimes he steps into a hole and that is a real hoot.
Occassionally he manages (how - I have no idea) to catch one.
You'd think he had found a million dollar gold nugget in the river when he is successful.
Honestly, I feels sorry for him, so I has decided to help him.
First I did some research
Had to use the old puter in the attic, cause I has been banned from Mumzie's state of the art Giga-blaster Japanese machine, because of some bogus lies the dark suit and skinny ties police had about me logging into the CIA network at Langley one night last week, They went on and on and insisted I take a polygraph test. I held my breath and passed it easypeasy and eventually tehy left for bigger fish (whatever that means). Then Mumzie decided I should stay off her computer for like the next hundred years, which slowed me down a bit. However, even though the old machine is slow I still got the answers I figure Da needs to catch him a bunch of fish with high fiber like acceptable regularity.
Here is what he needs and what I got for him.
That's a Western Electric ZappZitter Fish Caller. I found it on e-bay and reeled it in during a late night auction last week. Some guy in Arkansas wanted it, too, but I out bid him ($18.00) and thanks to Mumzie's paypal account it is on the way via UPS Gold Service (only $196.57 extra). One thing about e-bay; there is some friendly people there and they don't mind doing business late at night when a certain Mumzie full of questions Mumzie is asleep.
The ZappZitter Fish Caller is guaranteed to work, but I is not taking any chances. Da's not always the sharpest tack in the bolt box, so I came up with a back-up plan to help the old guy out. My research shows that the next best fishing method, after ZappZitting them, involves using Dyna-Sticks, so I have secured some through Bob the Surplus Guy. Although they were harder to get, (custom order from the trunk of his car delivery, cause they is not allowed on e-bay or UPS) they evidently work every time. I picked up a big old box full of them.
And Bob threw in instructions on his sure fire method for using them to catch fish. He says if you do it right, you will have explosive success.
FluffyKitty and I is going to the pond in the woods behind the house tomorrow to try the Dyna-Sticks out. FluffyKitty will be so surprised when he sees how good we will be at catching fishes. I'm going to let him retrieve them for us, cause the water is chilly cold right now and I have this thing about not getting wet in a month that contains an "r". I doubt it will bother him at all when I throw him into the pond to collect our catch.
I feels so Field and Streamish!