Saturday, April 7, 2012

A Tale of Adventure!

Prepare yourselves for excitement Pilgrims.

Once there was a mighty adventurer named
ZeroBear PolyBear. He was famous for the
feats of daring

that he accomplished in the name of sport.
"Look Mumzie, no hands"

There seemed to be no thrill 

he would shy away from.

Then one day he learned about the dare devil
sport of fan riding.

Perhaps you have heard of the few, the great,
the amazing who undertake this sport of sports. When
ZeroBear heard he knew he must do,
and so this afternoon, he did.

Watch and marvel at this feat of daring, and the tragic
recounting of a thrill gone terribly wrong.

As we begin, Mumzie and Da have gone shopping.
The high speed camera is set to record this feat.
ZeroBear assumes the starter's position and firmly
grasps blade #5 of a Hunter Tropic Breeze, multiple
speed, reversible rotation, wall switch controlled
ceiling fan.

(Available at your friendly local Ace Hardware Store)

At the PolyBear's signal, his enthusiastic

assistant FluffyKitty activates the motor. Unfortunately
what is intended to be a low speed startup is inadvertently
messed up beyond belief when FluffyKitty powers
 up the unit at high speed and things go quickly and
tragically wrong.

In this view, you will note the PolyBear has lost his
grip on the blade and is moving at a high rate of speed
away from the ceiling fan unit.

Approximately one revolution of the fan later, the
PolyBear has left the uncertain security of the fan
blade and in the words of knowledgeable adventurers
"has fallen headfirst into deep and somewhat smelly
toilet water".


Womens, Childrens and Sissy Men may wish to stop
looking at ZeroBear Poly Bear Blog at this time as
things will be going downhill quickly from this point

An instant later ZeroBear has completed a 360 degree
rotation and his entire life is flashing before his eyes.

A second 360 with a half twist quickly passes as the
PolyBear attempts to determine why the heck
he does these things the safest route to fall in order
to avert danger to the viewing audience.

In an extremely dangerous turn of fate, the massive
centrifugal forces at play in yet another 360 degree
rotation with half twist separate the PolyBear
from his custom (by Mumzie) fabricated padded
head protection gear.

Oh the drama at play here!
What will happen????

!!!! WHAM !!!!

In an instant it is over. At the last moment, with only
nanoseconds to spare, the PolyBear, showing incredible
reflexes and remarkable presence of mind manages to
get his protective gear back in place before landing on
a non-critical body part.


An update from ZeroBear follows:

I is OK. It only hurts when I think about what I'm going
to do to when I catch up with  Fluffy Kitty for switching
on the fan at high speed.

Required Legal Warning
ZeroBear PolyBear is an expert Daredevil.
Do not attempt this feat of daring at home, or after
a night of drinking SchlitzWizers or Guinness Stout.

Additional warning:
Doing this to a FluffyKitty is likely considered animal
cruelty in most states and the District of Columbia and
as such subject to criminal prosecution (they tell me).

No comments:

Post a Comment