Monday, March 12, 2012

Winter Sports

You know winter is almost over now.

Some have e-mailed telling me I did a very poor job
covering winter sports this year. You're correct and
I apologize. I don't know why. Maybe you guys
will let me have one more whack at winter sports

before we start covering spring baseball.

The Iditarod Sleigh Race in Alaska was it's usual big deal.

I have no idea where you go to buy Nike Air Jordan
sneakers for dogs, but evidently you can.

Iditarod racing conditions are fiercely cold

and you can get all sorts of things
frozen off if you aren't really careful.

I asked my editors at the court appointed
Interwebs Censoring Service of America (ICSA)
if I could do a paragraph or two on the Iditarod
Sleigh Dog eating championship,
which is a popular

Polar Bear sporting event held annually and simultaneously
with the sleigh race. They said it would be inappropriate and
would likely lead to further injunctions and possble additional 
fines against ZeroBear PolyBear Blogs International, LLC.
In compliance with that court order I'll just say it is a popular
Polar Bear winter sporting event and leave it at that.

This next event (actual photo follows) is some annual
cross country ski race  (I forget the name) held in
Norway or Switzerland. Thanks MSNBC Sports, Inc. -
Your Interwebs source for winter sports information.
(Not affiliated with ZeroBear PolyBear Sports International.)

Back to the race:
As I understand there are about 11,000 idiots who
sprint from the starting line, trying to climb big hills on skis

and then crash into christmas trees as they attempt 
to go down the steep hills on the other side. It's a
great winter sport to be associated with if you are
a practicing Orthopedic Surgeon in Switzerland. 

The last winter event I have for you today is the Annual
FluffyKitty Cross Country Cat Race (AKA the Snowball 150).
It's held in a big parking lot beside Joe's All You Can Eat
Sushi Grill in Snowmass, Colorado on the weekend after
the 12th of February each year and attended by no less
than 5 or 6 adventurous kitties.

This is Stanley KittyCat. He is a gray stripped feline from Florida
who may well be questioning the wisdom of his last
minute entry after losing a bar bet.

Whiskers here is confused. He seems to have managed
to venture off course and may well be out of bounds,
which will cost him a 45 second time penalty and probably
any chance of winning the Joe's Tuna Roll Trophy for the
fastest time or the Joe's Smoked Eel roll award for the
straightest line through the course.

This is not a racer. This is Amanda PrettyKitty, a staff
writer covering the race for CatSports llustrated. She seems
irritated that she has become separated from her photographer.

It always seems to happen at some point in the really big races,
but controversy erupted this year when three time 150 winner

Sammy WhiteKitty was disqualified for using a 
paw warmer in excess of the allowable BTU limit. Sammy is
seen here leaving the race course in a KittyHuff.

This is eventual race winner Lee HereKitty Jones, as he makes his
initial timed run. Lee completed the 150 yard course in an
amazing 106.887534 seconds, setting a new 150 yard
snow race world record.

HereKitty celebrated by leaving an impressive
yellow patch in the snow before retiring into Joe's
for a saucer of warm milk and a hearty
serving of Mouse Mousse.

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