Monday, March 15, 2010

By Junior Starfleet Commanding Officer ZeroBear Poly Bear, esq. 

I have decided that you guys need some education, so I had Scotty explain teleportation to me and I will instruct all of you. Pay attention. There will be a test and I do not grade on a curve.

As I get kind'a urpey when I do curves.

Ready? OK - teleportation allows for the transfer of matter
across space

Using anomalies like antimatter

Time/Portal Flux

and wormholes

Any questions?

Fine - Take out a pencil and paper. Ready? Start.

1 - Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
2 - What is the speed of dark?
3 - Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
4 - Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
5 - Is it possible to be totally partial?
6 - What's another word for thesaurus?
7 - If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?
8 - If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
9 - When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
10 - If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
11 - Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
12 - If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
13 - When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
14 - Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
15 - Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
16 - What do you do when a endangered animal eats endangered plants?
17 - If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands?
18 - If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
19 - Is there another word for synonym?
20 - Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
21 - When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
22 - When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
23 - Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?
24 - Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
25 - Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
26 - If a turtle does not have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
27 - Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
28 - Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
29 - If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
30 - How come we never hear about gruntled employees?

Finished? OK - Hand your paper to the person to your left and we will grade them in class. Don't forget to sign it on the upper right.

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