Thursday, March 4, 2010

Things they don't have on the Spacey Station
by Spacey Station AstroBear PolyNaught, ZeroBear

I don't know how much money they have actually spent on the Spacey Station to date. I heard Commander Jim mention $278,413,659,544,286.93 the other day,but that may have been just for satelite TV and his stash of Mars candybars. When things get a little rough, he says, "I'm going on a short Mars Mission. Be back in a few." and he goes to the toilet and stays more than long enough to eat two or three Mars Bars, or even a Milky Way.

They seem to be missing the strangest things here. Did you know they do not have one of these things?
I forget what this thing is called, but Da says it is the "primary weapon in the battle against toilet stop ups." Mumzie says "the handle doesn't fit her hand." I learned long ago that Mumzie goes berzerk when you come down the hall wearing it on your head like a hat with a handle. After she takes it from you, she immediately throws you into the washer machine and that is the pits.

Also they seem to be missing this evil looking thing.

Da calls this thing a snake and says it, "will address a world of problems and if it won't then you really have problems." Mumzie says those things "are aways Da's problems" and walks away whenever he gets that evil looking device out and starts down the hall toward the bathroom at home. I have no idea what he does with it in there, cause it scares the beegeezees out of me and I have no idea what that long springy thing coming out of that blue crankie bowl is used for, but the Poly Bear grabber on the end could latch onto you and not let go. I tries to avoid things like that unless I am chasing a cat. I know that Fluffy KItty hates it. JUST KIDDING! Sheesh.

And finally, I thought you were absolutely required to keep a gallon or two of this stuff on hand.
Da says this is the "plumber's little middle of the night friend." Mumzie says to "wake her up after it has been fixed, and don't make so much noise in there." 

I wonder why you always need this stuff in the middle of the night. Also I remain confused why stop-ups always happen to me. 

By now you probably have figured out that we had an small accident the other night. No one told me that the toilet
here on the Spacey Station has a limited APP handling capability during a flush, or what I refer to as a Toxic Substance Evacuation Procedure (That's TSEP for all you Spacey Station Gurus and general know-it-alls). Anyhoo, the other night, I was in the little room logging me some late night Bear time, doing what bears do in the toilet and I may have used a little too much TP. Anyhoo, when I flushed, the dang thing stopped up and quickly backed up. Good times went to bad times within a few seconds because there is no way of telling you what a space toilet back up in zero gravity looks like, especially when the base materials of the backup was formerly fish sticks and freezedried tatertots.

I was hours getting that toilet disaster taken care of. And did anyone even offer to help a poor little poly bear?


I got even though. The next night I flushed all of CommanderJim's Mars Bars down the old private business machine. It took hours, what with having to send them out into space one at a time, but I don't sleep much and everyone seemed to be away from my favorite late night chat room

When I was finished, the little white room had a lovely chocolate and almonds with a creamy nougate center smell, sort of like commander Jim's breath when he comes back from a trip to Mars.

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