Oh Noze

This continues to get worser and apparantly

There is nuttin anybodies can doos about it

 

Shocking documentary tonight on the Zombie Pumpkin Channel

 

Can November the 1th come too quickly?

I for 1 thinks nope.

This is very disturbing

Submitted for your consideration by meek, mild mannered marketing guru Bertrums BigGuy, a bro from the cold cold north of here.

WARNING THE FOLLOWING PHOTO SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY SUSCEPTIBLE YOUNG CHILDRENS OR SOMEWHAT SISSY GUYS

Evidently Zombies is taking over Pumpkins

Mumzie wanted to put one on the front stoop this weekend and I said not no, but "No Way" I goes out there sometimes to shoot at the squirrels or get rid of a handgrenade that I have lost the pin for, and with my luck a zombie would jump out and grab me when I least expected it. Could I count on Da at that point? Are you kidding? He would probably be in his barkolounger snoring away or insisting some foolish thing like ZOmbies don't jump out of pumpking, which the above referenced photo clearly refutes.

This is a rapidly developing story that I will continue to report on, right after Da and I has some cookies and chocolate milk, cause it's that time of the day here in MerTown.

I hopes Mumzie still has some of them homemade oatmeals ones, cause they is splendidifidly wonderful little PolyBear nutrition treats.

Anybody know what these is?

They is proof that the Fair was in town.

 

and

 

Mumzie and Da tooked me!

We had lots of fun. I had a foot long pronto pup with extra mustard and Mumzie had to rub my tummy when we got home.

  

We rode all the best rides. 

 

 

This was the zipper. Da got really scared when we rode it, but I thought it was a hoot.

 

Da won Mumzie a big prize shooting a water pistol.

What she's going to do with a big yellow nanner guy I has no idea.

I made her put it in the attic when we got home.

   

   

We shared a funnel cake.

  

 

And they had racing pigs! Snouter was #1 and he was the fastest pig, too. Unfortunately I had my money on that #4 loser pig who came in last place. I think his name was slow poke.

  

 

And this is my new friend I met. His name is Zoltar and he is a very talented guy.

Kind'a sad. They keeps him in a box

He can tell the future. Yes - honest - cross my little toxic chemical residue pumping fixture. He told me things about my past, present and future! He said that I was unhappy (I never knew that fact until he told me)  but that I had a dollar in my pocket and if I would just give it to him, I was going to get a lot of money, soon.

I came home and ordered me and Mumzie a car so's she can drive me around when I gets all my gold Mr. Zoltar said I would come into when a rich bear relative I didn't know I has died and names me in his will. We may let Da drive, cause I ordered the big stripedy one.

 

I put it on Mumzie's visa card and they will deliver it next week when they gets the big screen TV I had added on installed, but I'll pay her back as soon as I hits the big time, which my new buddy Zoltar said would be in no time at all.

Must be a lot of instant wealth going around, because he told the next guy behind me the same thing. I wonder if he bought the green limo. 

It's Coming and You Know It Is!

by

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq., IRAoIS

(Internationally Respected Authority of Important Stuff)

*******

Honestly I is at my wits end with youse guys.

You know and yet ...

and Yet ...

Sheesh ...

You Peoples ...

How you can just ignore it is beyond me.

This guy knows and he ain't the sharpest tack in the bolt box.

FluffyKitty knows - of course FluffyKitty doesn't care. The only thing FluffyKitty cares any dang thing about is the sound the can opener makes.

Sheeesh

You peoples?

If you are here, you must be one of the You Peoples I am referring to.

So you know the who

Lets talk about the what

You know what I am referring to.

Let me give you a hint...

Another hint?

LIKE THE WHOLE DANG WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!

Why you are acting so Dumb Dumb Dumb is beyond me. Acting Dumb? Either you're acting dumb, or you actually are Dumb. It's beginning to look like the latter when we once thought it might be the former

Uh

Mumzie has just announced breakfast is ready

Ill get back to you later.

******************

The passing of time...

******************

It is later and I is back, but I doesn't have much time.

No its not because the Gentle Ben marathon is about to start on TBS, but I had absolutely forgot it was on today until just then. I hope we has plenty of Pillsbury Dough  Boy Movie Time Popcorn, because that's my favorite brand.

But we has more important stuff to discuss at the moment.

I doesn't have much time because they is likely becoming aware of my knowledge of their devious plot.

I can't just come right out and say it, because then they would know that i know.

t..w....t.......f..........s...................s                        .

(it's a code) The smarter among you will begin to understand.

The others are doomed.

That is all I can say right now.

Must go quickly. Episode 6, "Gentle Ben Tips the Outhouse" is about to start and Da thinks we is watching footballs games today, which we ain't.

Later...

***************
More time has passed
The end is even nearer than it was before
***************

I guess most of you know that the end of all that we know will come about in 20 days.

Yes that is the official date of 11/11/11

Aaugh!

To make things even worser that they could be, as if that was possible, two days later, friday the thirteenth lands smack dab on a Sunday. How could so many bad things happen? Don't ask me I is just a PolyBear.

I can only imagine what disasters will occur when so many bad things lines up in a row.

And tomorrow I will, but not before, because if my intuition is correct, Mumzie is making strawberries and vaniller ice cream, and disaster will have to wait until Da and I has our fill. I likes to smush mine up until it gets soft.

Later - we still has 20 days and I hates it when the ice cream gets too melty.

****************
Now its Sunday morning
****************

Mumzie knows this little PolyBear is upset and so she made waffles for breakfast. I had lots of butter and syrup on mine.

Lets get to more disastrous stuff now.

11/11/11 will be really bad, but how does we determine the hows and wheres?

I is thinking that most of the bad stuff will originate from 1111 11th avenue on 11:11 am on 11/11/11.

Either that, or puppy number 11 will come in 11th place in race 11 at my favorite greyhound track in NJ.

Obviously, I needs to give this more thought, but Da TIVOed the seventh Gentle Ben episode last night after bedtime and I has more important stuff this morning. If memory if correct, this is the one where Ben discovers the beehive in neighbor Smitherman's plumb orchard. He was such a hoot when all them bees started stinging him on the noZe.

The Horror Continues

!!! I is mortified !!!

Key Jaws Music

... First it was Tomatoes

Then

Cucumbers
  
  

and Now

Pumpkins has become recognized as another of the evidently many killer vegetables running amuk !!!

Yes they may look like happy carefree little fall harvest melons of the squash fambly

But as soon as it gets dark,
Watch out.

There is just no tellings what they may evolve into under the cover of darkness

You starts with a nice jack-o and

In no time at all, you'll find that they has become

Shiverous

Creepy

 

Sacry

 

Killers - yes killers of anything they encounters!

 

Personally, I has no ideas on earth or the 869 other inhabited planets of the 12 nearest star groups how any Da (alien or domestic) would let these untrustworthy vegetables get close to their childrens or the Mumzies of them childrens.

I could see allowing your Fluffykitty to run loose in the vacinity of a pumpkin,

I sometimes thinks they is in cathoots anyhow.

 

and some kitties can take care of themselves with no help from any of us

but how you would let a child or a PolyBear you love into such danger I can't imagine. Of course, better thems than me.

Interwebs Required Warning:


Do not alollow childrens or womens or sissy guys look at the next photo



 

Just look at the horrors on the face of this young lad
as a hord of orange fleshed monsters chases him down.
From the looks of this, he will stumble or be tripped up in just a short short and pretty quick after that, he will become a goner, just another enexplained pile of hair and bones out in a pumpkin patch.
 

OK you has been warned.
     I has done my duty as a journalist.
But, I'll continue for a moment longer cause Da hasn't yet brought me my Peanut Butter and Raisin sammich and the glass of chocolate milk I ordered twenty minutes ago.

I really need to hire better help around here.

We're talking smear the p-butter on the bread, sprinkle a handfull of raisins on top, trim offen the crusty edges and pour a glass of chilly-cold chocolate milk, then bring it to the PolyBear.
How hard can that be?

Oh wait, my warning. Let me get back to my warning.

Maybe you only bought one (pumpkin - one pumpkin - I has no idea where that fluffykitty came from but that is not our fluffykitty - our fulffykitty has his whskers singed away along with most of the hair inside his left ear  - due to an unfortunate fireworks demonstration gone amuck by a certain PolyBear who prefers to keep hs name out of print). Anyhow, I understand that you only purchased one pumpkin, but

But there are others out there (yes there are otherfluffy kitties too. That;'s a black one and our fluffykitty is yellow with some missing hair and a distinct odor of singe) But I meant pumpkins. There are othe rpumpkins out there.

And they gets together in a group and plots. Let me say that no good ever comes when gourds of different ethnic groups gets togther and plots, cause they can't be trusted. Some of them plotting above is hybreds and they is the worst of the lot.

Then they masses together until ... utill ... untill

Untill

They takes over the world (evidently after turning green). When they do, we is all in trouble.

Heaven help you if they gets bigger than you. This one looks big enough to take down that Old Fart in one chomp, especially if it can roll over him and pin his legs to the ground.

Worstest of all. horrible terrible things will certainly happen if
you lets your baby crawl too close to them Jack-o-Toothes.





CHOMP, Nom, NOm, NOM



GONE

You has been warned.

 

Oh they also makes really tasty pies.

Wonder if Mumzie would whip us up one for the weekend?
Kind'a chincey slice size don'cha think?
Also needs some chocolate milk.

Does we have any seconds?

How could I have missed this conspiricy?

Within an hour of posting my exclusive killer tomato news story last night, a friend of the blog from (get this!) Germany e-mailed me to ask if I was aware of the rash of

Killer Cucumbers taking over Europe!

Linky Dink

I wondered and wondered how this terror that struck Europe had slipped by my ever questioning mind before realizing that for most of last summer I was an unwilling guest in a Federal house of incarceration (inmate #41366987), due to some trumped up charges concerning the alleged unlawful intent to bring 87 pounds of uninspected Gefeldefish into New Orleans from Denmark.

How was I to know they would have gefeldefish sniffing dogs at the airport who would insist they go through my backpack? I has no idea where all those tins of pickled fishes came from.

Da and a sweet lady lawyer from Fink, Fank and Farnsworth managed to get me out of the big house with little more than an interesting prison Tat that my cellmate Charles Shankmaster Ruffner did for only a half carton of ciggies and three hours unsupervised use of my cellphone and Mumzie's Visa Card.

Let's get back to my investigation into this latest vegetable horror that is plaguing Europe.

Anyhoo, after an intense day of watching a Penguins of the Arctic marathon on the National Geographic channel. I has gained the depth of knowledge required to provide a thoughtful and insightful look at the conspiracy of fruits and vegetables attacking innocents around the globe.

First of all, you guys needs to know that  these tubular veggies is evidently jumping onto the faces ol sweet old folks out innocently lounging in the sun and quickly sucking out their eyeballs

They is doing the same to young womens in their prime

As near as we can determine, even this lady suffered a horrible, terrible disfigurement

That left her eyeless, with pale, pasty skin and poor fashion sense.

And these terrorists from the garden is running loose all over Mumzie's kitchen!

And I suspect that they is even jumping out of salad bowls to quickly suck your eyeballs out. Personally I would recommend avoiding the salad bar at TGI Fridays and The International House of Cucumbers (IHOC)

Smart folks is fencing them in until they is able to arm themselves for their protection.

I recommends  sharp instruments of protection

How could something so tasty be so evil?

I is now looking into Rutabaga Terrorism, which I has always considered to be an ever present threat to life as we knows it. Did you know they is sometimes referred to as Wax Turnips.

Yes they is!

Just the strain of living under the rutabaga threat has pushed some folks over the edge.

More later News freaks!