You know NASA has money problems

The good old USofA has really accomplished

a lot in the space program over the years.

NASA has done a good job of pushing us beyond

to places never imagined a few hundred years back.

They got us to the moon

The shuttle has been spectacular

The space station - incredible!

You know

I served two tours on the Spacey Station.

Great times. I was the CPBOB

(Chief PolyBear On Board)

Sadly, NASA is now having money problems.

Congress and the President kind'a cut them off

It has gotten pretty bad, but they still have big plans.

They have announced there is no way they will ever

agree to drop the orbital

programs entirely.

Here is their latest program to have a shuttle

circumnavigate the planet.



What vision!

I think they plan on selling rides and everything.

Latest Developing news. We now have photos of their

newest space craft 

Silo-1 Ready for launch. As I understand this craft

is equipped to carry 6 astronauts or

28,000 bushels of corn

So what did you do today?

I spent most of the day

out working in the yard.

Sometimes I miss

Being up there.



Hooston, We Have A Problem
from a very unhappy PolyBear

Last night was not a good night up here on the Spacey Station. I don't know that it will happen, but (if) before my story gets released to the papers I need to at least tell my side. At the moment I have been placed in Time Out and have no real idea when I will be released from confinment. At least there is a puter here so that I can go online to the interwebs and get out my side of what happened.

As you guys know, I have been concerned with Spacey Station security since coming on board. This was no secret to Commander Jim, as was my insistance that not having fish sticks or Pronto Pups on the menu was unkind to PolyBears, who (everyone knows) must have their fish sticks and Pronto Pups to remain happy and cooperative.

Anyhow, it is common knowledge that there are things in outerspace, like Boogers,

Mad Robots,

Creepy Crawlers

 and Blond Amazon Space Women from the Barbarella Galaxie

 just to mention a few, who will get you if you do not remain ever vigilant. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but look at this! 

There is some really scarey stuff out there Don'cha know! Anyhow, I politely asked to be assigned a ray gun as soon as I came on board and Commander Jim gave me some kind of bogus story about not having any ray guns in the Spacey Station or something like that. Any doofus knows that Starwars was crammed full of ray guns. Battle Star Galactica was overflowing with ray guns. Star Trek had more ray guns than you could throw a tribble at. Even Old Flash Gordon had Ray guns. Those guys were all in space, We are in space, There MUST be ray guns.

Why the heck would anyone want to go into space where there are millions of guys like this?

Without a ray gun?

Harrumpht!

Anyhow, last night I was doing a little late night plunder and pillage stuff while everyone was snoozing away and suddenly some booger thump went off at the far end of the Spacey Station and I realized that a booger had snucked up behind me and TOOK MY HAT!

Now, I ask you? At that point what's a PolyBear to do? I ran as fast as my little polystuffed legs would take me (which by the way is hard to do in zero gravity) and hit the Spacey Station PANIC BUTTON.

By the way, Thank you NASA or Canada or Russia or whoever made it because it works really good. Lights was flashing. Alarms was blasting away. Space boogers was running as fast as they could for their hidey holes. And Spacey Station guys was scrambling to get their spacey suits on over their jammies.

Then Commander Jim hit the override button and silenced the alarm. I quickly explained to him that we needed to hand out the ray guns pronto fast as I had plainly hurd a "Thunk" from a dark room down the hallway and MY HAT WAS GONE!

I'm so embarrised

Earlier, I had gone to the toilet to (ah) do what Bears do in the (ahhhh) Toilet, and evidently my hat came off and floated down to the floor, where it stuck on a DANG PIECE OF VELCRO! Why would I have looked down there when I left? Would you? I thought not...

I still says that boogers are on board with us and the only thing that will keep us safe is the immediate issuance of ray guns to all Spacey Station workers. But will they listen to me? Nooooooooooooooo!

Obviously Commander Jim disagrees and the result is that I am in extended Time Out. Every time he passes the little room they put me into I shout out a hearty "Yo! Commander Jim! Whazappnin, bro?" He acts just like I said nothing at all.

He seems to be a really highstrung guy to put in a commander position. I'm not questioning NASA's wisdom in choosing him over a more sensible PolyBear who recently came on board or anything, but I do know that if a certain PolyBear were in charge, we'd all be carrying Model 12 Farnzeworth Blastaway Rayguns.

I know - Ain't it cool? I found it on the interwebs. They aren't on e-bay yet - evidently you must special order them. Anyhoo, if I had me one of them babies no space booger would thump or bump in the far end of the Space Station, cause if he did, I'd knock him into tomorrow, even if it did take out an external wall or something. IMO, you can't cut a thunk in the darkness any slack or it will reach out from the darkness and grab you.

Does anyone know their Congressman or Senator well enough to get some higher up assistance to help a little PolyBear out of a tight jam? This may take some doing. Commander JIm is talking about letting me out when pigs fly and there aint none of those weaseley little pink guys up here. I checked for them right away whe I got here cause you can't trust a pig, especially the pink ones.

(sigh)

They can't get enough of me!

What can I say? The SpaceyStation crew has my blog up and running 24/7 on all of the on board puters and Hooston probably does too by now. I have no idea what they are doing at the Mars Rover offices, but I wouldn't be surprized.

They loves me on planet earth and they loves me in space!

I is famous! I is blushing!

This AstroBear PolyNaught stuff is EasyPeasey!

by ZeroBear

It has been a good first day here at the Spacey Station and The crew already knows that they need me to carry them forward into the new age of Space.

Here I am, showing the guys (my new spacebuds) how easy it is to float from one module to the next with only an occassional head smash. Unfortunately, some of them seem to be a little jealous already, but that's what happens when brilliance comes up against commonness. Here I am floating down to visit with Astronaught Martin, who is in Timeout. I think he may have forgot to flush, or put the lid down when he finished his bidness. They have so many rules here. I have been in timeout twice already and I haven't been here even one day yet! I did learn not to yell at ISS Commander Jim when he tells me he has no fishsticks planned for lunch, so maybe I'll do better tomorrow.

One thing I have noticed already. If you look at that photo above, you'll see the place is a mess. They have junk scattered all over the place. Wherever you look it's just knobs, cables, boxes and wires. I don't think they know what half this stuff actually does. After everyone goes to bed tonight I think I'll open the door and push some of this junk out into the back yard to help them clean up a little. Mumzie would blame this kind of mess on me if she saw this junkyness, so I need to do my part to straighten things up.

Already, they are relying on me to read the 'structions to them and explain the meaning of the hard words, like "Screwingdriver" and "rench". Here we are, using a rench to install a thingamajig onto a whoozit. I really don't need the structions, but Hooston has this thing about doing it "By The Book", whatever that means. Anyhow I already have figured out how to keep them on their toes by reading a line and then while they are doing the step I suddenly shout, "No wait! The structions actually said whatever you do, don't do it that way, or catostrophic failure of hull integrity will occur!" What a hoot! You should see them jump when I screams out that.

What they ever did without me to liven this place up, I have no idea.

Thankfully the station appears to be booger free and apparantly has really good locks on the outside doors. I left my shootsgun at home by mistake and have no really effective weapons to use against any space boogers that might show up. 

I am concerned about security here. I have no idea where they store the space rayguns and them phazers and photon cannons and such. Maybe I'll have me a little look and plunder time tonight after everyone goes to bed. The weapons room has gotta be here somewheres and this place could use a little heavily armed security PolyBear presence.

Food? Boring!

I have yet to find the chocolate ice cream stash.

Can you believe when lunch came around today, they has no fish sticks? Sheesh - $22,471,642,896,237.98 and no fish sticks on board? Someone at NASA needs their keester kicked. I have not yet located the deepfryer or their Pronto Pup dipping station or where they store the french fryes either. As near as I can tell, there is not onion ring one in the kitchen. I went through the entire supply of snickeysnacks this afternoon and did not find a single bag of fritos or chips.

Mumzie, if you reads this could you beam me up some Miz Paul's crunchy all fillet (no filler added) fish sticks? I could use the propane torch too, if Da doesn't need it.

And the toilet is spooky, Let me tell you! As I understand, a polybear could get sucked down into a storage container filled with stuff we don't need to mention here.

At least they have good puters here.

Here I am showing Spacey Station Astronaught Dan how to get to my Blog Page.

No, Dan! it's http://www.zerobearblog.blogspot.com/

You're gonna like it a lot, bro. I is the star attraction.

I am a little concerned with all the velcro up here. They have it attached to the walls all over the place. I brushed up against a piece this morning and it took me two hours to break myself free. That stuff grips PolyBear fur like ... well velcro!

ZeroBear Arrives at ISS

by ZeroBear

It's true! History has been made! I am here! We probably should have sent out a news release because evidently no one knew I was headed toward the Spacey Station and we only managed to get minor coverage of my arrival to the International Spacey Station by PolyAnimal Planet News this morning and a 15 second blurp in CNN. 

Thanks to a chance shot by a passing NSA spy satellite, Here is the arrival of USPS Priority Mail space delivery vehicle #1 with commander George the Postman at the controls as he moves in for docking with the ISS mailbox, early this morning 03:59:27 hours CST, at a point somewheres over the Pacific Ocean.

The Spacey Station crew was all asleep when I got there and so MailMan George left the Priority Mail delivery on the doorstep. Apparantly the package containing your's truely was too big for the ISS curbside mailbox and it seems the $5.00 postal fee the chipmunks paid did not include the Post Office's "Priority Ring the Dang Doorbell" service. It's lucky I am able to hold my breath for a long time, because since I arrived on a Sunday morning after a latenight Laker's game the previous evening and an old John Travolta movie, it was like 8:30 in the morning before Commander Jeff Williams stepped out the kitchen door into open space to pick up his Sunday Morning paper and found my Prioroty Mail package lying there on the stoop.

Here is a somewhat surprized ISS Commander Jeff Williams in his official ISS jammies welcoming America's first (and the world's most famous) AstroBear PolyNaught, ZeroBear, esq. to the ISS. I'll tell you that PolyNaught ZeroBear has not yet developed his space legs and seems to be having trouble staying upright. This is actually the second photo taken. The first was discarded because PolyNaught ZeroBear was in the process of urping on some electronic thing that really sparked and smoked as the ISS photographer snapped the initial shot. Evidently they don't like to show photos of space urp or electronic gear shorting out, unless it's a Tom Hanks movie.

As with all famous Space Explorers, PolyNaught ZeroBear made a historic first statement upon exiting his only slightly damaged Priority Express Postal Service Package into the Spacey Station. Flight controllers in Houston, TX recorded PolyNaught ZeroBear's first words for humanity as he said:

"That's one small delivery for USPS. What's for Breakfast?"

There will be much more from the Spacey Station. They has lots of computers and high speed interwebs service here and I'm going to log me some chat room time before everyone wakes up. I wonder where the Klingon's sleeping quarters are?

He's Off!

by ZeroBear and the Chipmunks

If this gets posted I am on my way to the International Spacey Station and am virtually guaranteed success in my plot efforts to get the US Government to Pay the Cost Help me travel to our greatest experiment in space living since Buck Rogers went to the planet Zendorff.

Here's what I did.

Yesterday I called the post office and had them deliver me a Priority Mail Flat Rate Box. You may not know this, but I learned from the interwebs that for a flat rate (I figure 5 bucks) they guarantee that they will deliver the box ANYWHERE!

I raided Da's Goodies hiding place and provisioned out my Flat Rate Box, borrowed Mumzie's flip phone so's I can post via Cellular South's $48.00/month all you can text plan (2 year contract required) and got the chipmunk's to seal me up.

Hopefully they pasted the photo (just above here guys) and called the postoffice for a pickup.

Ok guys, take photo of box pickup and paste here.

If we are this far, I am on my way!

More on my adventure later. By-By Mumzie and Da! I'll call you guys from Outerspace. If you get a collect call from the International Spacey Station, it'll be from your little AstroBear PolyNaught, ZeroBear!

Oh Mumzie, if a Miz. Shiela e-mails me, e-mail her back and tell her I'm more famouser than ever now but I still think she is a nice dresser and has pretty pink hair. Tell her that depending on how things go up (out?) in space I might be gone for a while, but if they do a TV link up while I'm there, I'll give her a special shout out.

The Project to Send a PolyBear
to the Spacey Station moves forward.
by ZeroBear

We had some big developments today in the efforts to get a certain AstroBear PolyNaught named ZeroBear up to the Spacey Station where he can dominate lead mankind and PolyBear kind into a new fronteeeeer and all that bla bla bla.

Anyhoo, I hope to have lots of good news to share with you guys in maybe as little as another day, if all goes well and the Fire Marshal decides to not press charges about a golf course grass fire that needs to remain just between you and a certain PolyBear who mistook the actual meaning of

"He's burning up the golf course today".

Wish me luck and send your paypal account number and password to my e-mail account

zerobear@bellsouth.net

You can't send quarters and dollar bills by the interwebs can you? I didn't think that was possible. What a shame. Maybe next year. Well, if you can't send money, Sign up over to the right in that "Followers" section of my Blog. How can I achieve world dominatin with so few followers?

  

I'm thinking of doing a reality show on Cable called

"PolyBear in Space"

Kind'a catchy isn't it? I'm trying to line up sponsors.
I figure the script will write itself.
The Miz Paul's Fish Sticks Folks passed up on the opportunity to get in on the ground floor today. I'm sure they will soon regret that, when I hits the big time. I was willing to wear a NASCAR type driver's suit with a big crunchy breaded fishstick on the back and everything. I just see it as their loss.

Oh - here is a shout-out to R&K. 

I know that you know that I know that you guys know who you are, even if everyone else is sort'a confuzzuled by this time.

Your soon to be publishing his Blog from space friend,

ZeroBear