Housing Option #14

Oh those Realtors.

There is one in New Jersey

who knows how I feel about

the coming Zombie Apocalypse.

Zombies?

Yep, and

I hope you are prepared

I know

That

I am ready,

As are lots of

my blog fans.

Anyhow this realtor in South Carolina found the perfect

property for Zombie protection.

I know they can't swim and I assume

They don't own boats. 

Do they?

My hope is if they do they will get eaten by a big old

shark wile trying to boat out to get me.

 

I know you're asking

How will I get out to my island fortress and back

to Mumzie each morning for

breakfast?

 

Well, I

haven't quite figured that out yet.

But I'm working on it.

Ask ZeroBear

Dear Mr. ZeroBear,

Is it really true that

Dogs don't like cats?

Signed,

Wondering in Washington

***

Dear Double W,

I think this explains it very well:

"Cat? What cat?"

This is just my opinion, but

It's pretty obvious that Rover

likes that cat a lot.

Signed,

ZeroBear PolyBear



Housing Option #13

It's hard to believe there are so many swell housing

options out there. I guess its a buyers market because

I keep getting listing after listing sent to me in the e-mail.

Every night there seems to be another Realtor

trying to send me the perfect house.

The latest thing I received was titled

"Take advantage of this once in

this lifetime Housing Opportunity."

Here it is.

I think they said it was in Kathmandu, Nepal.

Not a bad looking town. Must be north of Toomsooba

because it gets hilly up there and those are some pretty

nice hills in the background.

Apparantly the place comes with a large

servant staff.

That's OK because I like to be waited on.

I'd need to get rid of a few of them, like that guy back

there in row 16 talking on his cell phone. No goofing off

allowed if you work for ZeroBear PolyBear, LLC.

I e-mailed the realtor asking if they were on break,

or what, and she said they were probably chanting.

I can dig that. I chant every Thursday night

until I get the response I want from Da.

Tater Tots, Tater Tots, Tater Tots, Tater Tots,

Tater Tots, Tater Tots, Tater Tots, Tater Tots,Tater Tots,

Tater Tots, Tater Tots, Tater Tots, Tater Tots,

Tater Tots, Tater Tots, Tater Tots...

Unsually after an hour or so, he gets the idea

and invites Mumzie and Me out to dinner.

I wonder if Kathmandu, Nepal has a Sonic

Drive-in because Sonic has the best

Tater Tots.

Anybody know?



Their website

www.sonic.com

doesn't show a franchise in Kathmandu.

Maybe I spelled it wrong.

FluffyKitty suggested I go back and try

Cat-Man-Doo.

- Jeepers -

you wouldn't believe what came up

when I did a search on that.

Do people really...

I have been told

that imitation has been called

the sincerest form of flattery.

Trying to use my look, eh?

Not too bad - However

in my opinion

He could have chosen a better hat.

I really miss the old days

We had a blast back then ...

when I was young and adventerous.

The truth is, I would do just about

anything on a dare.



Housing Options #12

Yesterday I got another e-mail

about a very interesting house.

I think it is in Europe.

You guys can look and let

me know what you think.

The property is nice - scenic - don't you think?

Most of the listing was artful shots of the property

and the surrounding area.

In fact, they seemed to key on it. 

It certainly caught my attention.


The house?


well,


The house was described as a

lovely fixer-upper with strong bones

and a breathtaking view from the

master suite and great room.

***

I have a definite interest in this one.

I always considered myself

a mountain kind of PolyBear

and there is no way of knowing if that

is true until I try it out for a while.

There is one thing I may need some help with.

Does anyone know a reputable 

landscape service in Alpine Europe?

I may need a dependable yard and garden

guy to help me for a week or two until

I can get the lawn in order.

It would be helpful if he listed a little
roofing experience on his resume, too.

Oh, and he probably needs a chain saw.



Will you be Visitor # 36,000?

You know, you could be our 36,000th visitor.

It has to be somebody. Why not you?

If you are that lucky person, boy have we got

a surprise for you!

You could win:

an all expenses charged to your credit card

3 day, 6 night trip to

London!

or maybe

A matched pair of black fire opals.

or maybe your very own

solid gold race car!

or perhaps a carefully selected for you

direct descendant of Fluffykitty for your very own.

"Mommy, KitCat wet in the box."

sorry - anyhow, back to the giveaway.

 

All you need do is send an e-mail to

ZeroBearPolyBear@gmail.com

stating that you were the one and only lucky winner.

Then mail $43,378,291.14 for shipping and handling

to the post office box address provided to you

by ZeroBear and as soon as your check
clears the bank we will rush your cat,
or a cat of similar construction
to you by overnight UPS.

I wish I were as lucky as you.

Housing Options #11

I'm sort'a at a loss.

Should I get a

mountain house

or

something

on the water.

Thanks to avid blog follower, Bubba Johnson,

from Yazoo City, who offered to sell me his custom

watercraft, I did figure out how I could get back and forth

to the water house.



Strange stuff happening

I know.

It's happening here too.

Everywhere I look

things are getting

stranger and

stranger.

Some of these creatures that are roaming

around are downright

scary.

Lots of them, I just don't understand

where they came from.

I gott'a tell you, some of them

scare the beegeebees out of me.

She doesn't really look like that?

OK. Could have fooled me.



Housing Options #10

Still getting e-mails from Realtors, who
are very hopeful that they can help me.


OK, this one is a little wierd
I actually went to look at it

Modern Day Hobbit?

That's what I thought too.

When I show you, You'll agree.

This is

the guy who owned the place.

and

His wife, who was a lovely lady, but sheeeeeeesh.

Just look at them toezies. Never saw rainbow foot hair either

but there it is.

now

Get ready for a scare.

Hobbit baby?

That's what I thought, too.

Them footzies are scary big. I understand

the hair comes later, thank goodness.

And I was shocked when I came

around a corner and discovered

their

Hobbit cat.

The House?

Frankly I don't have the

toes for it.



Ask ZeroBear

Mr ZeroBear,

Sometimes I can't make up my mind.
Do you have problems
making up your mind?

Signed,

Confused Doug, from Seattle


*****


Dear West Coast Confuzzeled,

Do you have any idea how much like him you look?

but, you're not him?

You're certain? OK...

But you could have fooled me, and I'm hard to fool.

Anyhow, those of you who come by all the time

know that I'm trying to make up my mind

about getting a new place to call home.

There are lots of options.

So many that I am having trouble making up my mind.

However

Most of the time, I have no problems making a decision..

Like deciding what to eat?

Sweet choice

or maybe

or maybe

or

You know what?

I guess sometimes its not so easy to make up your mind.

Sort'a like this lady deciding which

purple flower to pick.

Go  on, you have my permission to be confused.

Perhaps even about who you really are

signed,

Now I'm confuzzeled, too.

(you really are him, aren't you?)