The Beach?

Trying to get in one last visit

to the beach before summer ends?

You do know that you need to

Be extra careful because

The sharks know that time is running short

for that one

last

swimmer snack

before the tourist season ends

and most

of the buffet heads back to school

or work.

I guess you heard about

the kid that got eaten

by a shark while waiting for the bus.

Tragic - came right up through the sidewalk

from a sewer that ran to the ocean.

As I understand - one chomp.

Why you guys won't listen to me

I'll never understand.

What would you folks do without me?

Warning

Womens, Childrens and Sissy Men

should avoid watching this, cause

it just about scared the

beegeebees out of me! and we all

know that I live for adventure...

I am certain you know that I have

never said it was safe

to go anywhere near the water.

Fishing goes horribly wrong

This video is why I even avoid touching the

kitchen sink water faucet.

I have published the fact that

Sharks will run up onto the beach and eat you

haven't I?

I thought I had.

Here is a young shark running

over to eat someone

You can't trust a shark

or being anywhere close to

the ocean.

OK to Swim in The Ocean

As long as you don't mind

being someone's dinner.

"Yeah, you're scared of sharks, Mr. ZeroBear.

We all know that. Can't you give it a rest?"

Rest?

If you think I'm overblowing it,

Just check out how the guys who must live with

them react to their presence in the hood.

So just go right on out there and enjoy the water.

But remember, you could be 

a tasty entree option on the

buffet line at costal express.

The Beach

Look, I know you want to go out there

but you need to remember

there are things out there that see you as a tasty snack.

You know they will come up on the beach to eat you if

that is what will get them some lunch.

You didn't know that?

Look at George the beach bum

Only his excellent boxing skills saved him from this

horrible shark attach.

I have no idea why he chose to wear his

8 oz. Everlast Gloves to the beach that day.

Just good luck I imagine.



Chumming

I predict this will be the next up and coming

sport to hit the scene. It will become so popular

that eventually they will add it to the Olympics

where it will be dominated by the Aussie team for years.

An Olympic sport called

Chumlee?

No

Chumming

Sheessh

Wikipedia

(that other know it all blog site)

defines chumming as:

"the practice of luring animals, usually fish or sharks,

by throwing "chum" into the water."

Chumlee? In the water?

You're going to try to throw

Chumlee into the ocean?

Where he might get eaten by a shark?

We're going to throw Chumlee into the water

to get eaten by a shark?

No Chimpster. Lets go back and quote some more

from the Wiki-Knows-It-All Blogsite:

"Chum often consists of fish parts and blood,

which attract fish, particularly sharks

due to their keen sense of smell."

Well, That's Gross!

You bet it is!

But it works!

And just try telling me

that this chumming exercise

shown below

 isn't about to get exciting

in about one second...

Chumming

an exciting sport

for the entire family!

Jaws

Yes there was a movie.

In fact there have been quite a few movies

and books written about these horrible monster

fishes of the oceans, lakes, ponds and mud holes

out in Da's driveway.

I think most of them would have been better

if they had named them Teeth

Teeth 1, Teeth2, Teeth3

You understand?

It is a well known fact that Sharks

have lots of teeth

Big Teeth

And they aren't afraid of sinking them into you.

Do you know what you have right behind
those big shark teeth?

Big Sharks

Great big sharks

Who don't care who they eat!

Or how many.

How many times must you be warned?

Gotta run now.

SpongeBob is coming on!

What Do Great White Sharks Eat

Whatever they want as long as they don't think
it will upset their tummy!

Oh Ha HA HA!

Man I just crack myself up

OK I'll be serious.

They eat seals

Tuna

Surfers

Ocean boaters

Cartoon fishes

They didn't?

oops - my bad

Also shark cages

Boats

and

Any little PolyBear dumb enough

to go into the ocean

Which is why I Don't and why I Won't

It's why I won't even wash my feet in the tub.

You Ever Realized You Were In Trouble?

What do you mean ZeroBear?

Oh you know - you're out in the ocean taking a

nice deep water swim, chatting with a buddy in his 

kayak. You're picking on him about what a wuss

he is for not swimmming. It's a beautiful day.

The water is great.

Then you hear those famous last words,

No, not

"There's a bite missing from my funnel cake!"

although that would be pretty bad.

The words you hear are,

"What's that in the water over there?"

Example #2 of bad stuff happening

You are an excellent surfboard paddler.

You love being out there in the deep water doing your thing

You are the best

For you to lose balance and fall off into the ocean

just about never happens.

Then

You have no idea why, but

You decide to take a look behind you...

and the words "Oh Noze!" are all you can get out

before you feel an inquisitive little nudge to the back 

of your board.

Remember

The ocean belongs to the sharks.

and to them, you are not much more than

a food item.

Am I exaggerating?

I think not.

Now, excuse me I have some

funnelcake investigations to complete.

"Da, have you been

messing around with my Funnelcake?"

E-Mail Answers

So many e-mails, so little time

Let me get caught up with my correspondence.

1 - nope

2 - Yep

3 - Nope

4 - Yep

5 - Maybe, I'll think about it

6 - If the money is right, sure

7 - Nope

8 - Nope

9 - Well, the Grand Jury did discuss it
but no indictment was returned

10 - Lastly I received this photo from BB in Pittsburgh

 today (yesterday?)

informing me that this was discovered on the Interwebs

And asking if this was a photo of me.

HAVE YOU NOT BEEN READING MY

SHARK POSTS?

THEM SHARKS WOULD LIKE NOTHING

BETTER THAN TO CHOMP ME DOWN!

I IS NOT MUCH MORE THAN A TASTY MORSEL

TO YOUR AVERAGE GREAT WHITE SHARK!

Truth is, you can't even trust 

these things

There is no telling where a Great White

might hide out so he can chomp you

Jeepers

Sheeeeesh

There is no hope for you peoples

Still plan on going to the beach?

Plan on a little beach time huh?

Taking those kids with you?

Well there is safety in numbers

At least for fish.

As far as humans goes,

Might want to look behind you every once and a while.

Or stay out of the water Shark Bait...



I'm Not Sure You Can Take This Latest Revelation

Prepare to be startled!

Get ready to be shocked!

I'm sorry to have to tell you about this because

Once you know your life will never be the same again.

******

However I must tell you this stuff
because that's the kind of PolyBear I am.

******

Have you seen news reports like these? 

"Family fears the worst for missing man!"
Topeka, Kansas Journal - June, 2010

"Town searches for missing couple"

Fresno, California Banner Gazette - August, 2011
 

"Unexplained disappearance of entire family from home"
Natchez, Mississippi Times Ledger - January, 2012

"Space Aliens Steal Waffle Delivery Truck"
National Enquirer, Last Wednesday

Just google these respected Newspaper Articles
and be shocked. Frankly they scare me too
badly to post more than this because
I know what is going on here.

Let me explain everything to you just as it happens

1 - Do you have a TV set?

Just as I thought. I do too.

B. Do you ever watch Shark Week on Discovery Channel?

Yep, sadly I do too

3 - Let me demonstrate what happens when people disappear.

4 - Side view of perfectly innocent TV with Discovery

Shark Channel coming on.

5 - Just some more sharks on TV... Right?

6 - Big old Shark? Yeh, we've seen all of this before...

8 - Think I'll go get me some popcorn.

12 - Innocent person walks by TV on the way to the kitchen

and

!!!! Wham !!!!

!!!! CHOMP !!!!

46 - Innocent person missing with no explanation.

Oh yes they can!

Did you know they could?

I thought not...

Foolish trusting bumbledumb...

The only defense is to avoid watching TV

when those Shark shows come on.

or

Keep one of these Bad Boys pointed at the set.

I ordered mine last week.

$6,964,78 from http://www.sharkharpoons.com/

Charged to Mumzie's Visa Card.

We must remain ever vigilant

if we are to have any hope of surviving Shark Week.

!!!! And It's coming !!!!

That's a Fact you need to come to grips with.