Life gets complicated at times

It gets so dark

at night and

There's lots of scary things out there.

A guy just can't have too many flashlights,

but they all use Batteries

and the batteries run out of bat (duh)

at the worst times.

Da says I forget to turn them off.

Anyhow

I can't find Mumzie's Paypal account number.

Anybody have a spare Paypal account number

laying around, or a Visa Card I could borrow?

I have an open shopping cart over at

Batteries24/7.com and I need to go to checkout

before a certain Da who will remain nameless

wakes up and finds me borrowing his laptop.

The damage will only be about $456,978.27

because shipping is free this week only.

Uh Oh! He's coming down the hallway.

Gotta get off quick. Just e-mail me the Credit Card

info to zerobearpolybear@gmail.com.  

!!! Look At What I Got !!!

As a part of my birthday presents

Mumzie and old what's his name got me the one thing

I've been wanting all year long.

Toaster Waffles? 

Well that would have been a good thing,

but we had real Mumzie made
waffle iron cooked waffles yesterday.

I ate all of mine and part of Mumzie's and
I'm still full as a deer tick on a bird dog's ear.
   

 No, They ordered me something special.

It came in the other day's FedUPSeX delivery.

They got me my very own Rechargable,

Plastic Bodied, Elebendyseben Thousand Watt,

Yellow Stanley Logo labeled, Halogen Powered,
Mega Darkness Blaster.

Yep, the one with the lock on switch and wrist strap options.

Impressive an't it!

You probably know that a certain little PolyBear

can sometimes get a little scared in the dark,

cause you never know what kind of

Boogers may step out

of the darkness and get you.

Last week, Da

!!!! THAT"S HIS NAME !!!!

Now I remember!
His name is Da!

Anyhow, last week, Da

had a cold that settled

in his nose

and you would't believe the boogers

we had running around our house for five or six days.

Mumzie sprayed Lysol all over everything, 

including a certain little PolyBear.
That stuff burned my ears.

But now that I has this bad boy handy,

I can knock any Darkness loving, mass murdering

 PolyBear Eating Zombie boogers

all the way back into next week.

and any pointy eared booger statue demons that may be hiding

in the hallway cabinet

I see both of you waiting in there for it to get dark so that
you can sneak out and take a bite out of a little PolyBear

Anyhow all of the boogers, demons, zombies and such
better watch it, cause all of you will get it now that I have it.

I'm not absolutely certain but the book I ordered -

let me take a minute to do some research

Yep just as I thought

The book says Both Zombies

and Boogers

and Demons

and many other scary things is afraid 

of the Stanley Mega Darkness Blaster Deluxe Model

Especially Mega Blaster units that are as powerful as mine.

this thing is awesome

Just look at it on high power.

Of course, Da showed his hiney
last night and said things a little PolyBear

can't repeat when I assidently shined
it in his eyes for just a minute or two.

How was I to know he was asleep?

He could be in bed, with the lights out
and his eyes closed, snoring away
and not be asleep.

It could happen.

















it could









Sorry about singeing off your eyebrows Da.
I had no idea it would get that hot.

Christmas Gifts

So, what did Santa bring you?

I did ok, maybe not so much with Santa

but I still racked up, receiving

Two!

Count'em!

Two new flashlights!

The silver one (between my legs) is a new multiple LED

silver coated, push button activiated, battery powered

light caster.

Nifty gift from Babs and Arch.

It is a lot like my ninja black model. Now I have one for each hand, uh paw.

The book light is new, too. Now, when I need to read

a book at night and it's really dark I have a swell light to use.

I already have plenty of dark nights to deal with.

I guess all I need now is a book.



So, what does a polybear have on his mind on this dark Monday night?

Yep Flashlights!

I guess most of you know that it gets pretty dark here when Da turns out the lights at night.

You didn't? Well it does, and he just turned them off. It is so dark I'z can bearly see the puter keyboard. Only one cure for that problem, and that's a trusty Flashlight.

So how's a bear supposed to get a decent flashlight?

Well, he could spend $75.00 of Mumzie's Visa Bucks on this Bad Boy triumph of flashlight engineering brilliance

Or

He could invest the last $200.00 credit in Mumzie's Pay Pal account and e-bay him up one of these wonder machines (http://www.BigDangTotingFlashlights.com/)

However, there is only one real one out there,

and we needs to get serious for just a minute.

What does every little slightly scared of the dark PolyBear REALLY want for Christmas?

This is the ultimate Must Have Christmas/Birthday present.

Not impressed?

I guess you need to see this puppy in action to understand my excitement..

Lookie Lookie

Are you ready for this?
This Yard Dog puts out a 32,000,000 candle power beam of pure
make the dark turn to day firepower. It will lite up the dark at a distance of about 4 miles.

!!! I wantz it !!!

pleeze
 

That mega blaster is the one flashlight any self respecting polybear (me) really wants to find under the tree on Christmas morning, which also happens to be his birthday.

Yes, the mega blaster is what he wants

(hint hint)

No?

How about War Surplus?

Helps the government out and I could make it work.

And It does a pretty good job, too

Might be a little bulky,

but Da's truck would pull it around the yard

when I needs to use it, which would be most nights.

You Light Up My Life

Flashlights

You can't have too many flashlights, especially when you're not all that comfortable in the dark.

During a eureka moment of scientific deduction I discovered a huge scientific fact. How huge? I'm talking PhD level dissertation huge. Here it comes:

WHEN DA TURNS OUT THE LIGHTS IT GETS REALLY DARK IN OUR BEDROOM.

Sadly, he turns the lights off every night at bedtime. Not to worry though, cause I has a wonderful collection of fully loaded flash lights! Peaches and Herb like my little LED blaster. I'm more partial to my big red metal honker-nocker guy. It's a little heavy, but if ZOMBIES! should sneak in and try to suck the brains out of Mumzie (A full belly busting holiday feast) or Da (Like a little pre-dinner hordesorvers) I figure I could throw it across the room and whack somebody into tomorrow-land. Any roomers you may have heard that Da is sporting a big old side of his honker brusey-bump are ficticious (at least overblown) and have nothing to do with a certain polybear's late night target practice. 

Look at these babies. That yellow guy is my old PolyBearScout 6 volt Eagle Blaster. Bagged me a government employee Baldy-bird one afternoon with that baby. One throw - 47 feet - Whack! The Game ranger was not pleased, but eventually he regained his senses, shook it off and flew away. The baldy-bird, not the ranger - I missed him. Another trumped up Federal charge averted...

Asta - La-Vista, Baby Cakes

(I is learning Swartzenhigger Speak in preparation for a career in the flckers)

Wha Wuz Zat?
by ZeroBear

When it comes to home security, one can never be too vigilant (I looked that word up on QuickThesauras.com).

For those of you who don't know it, bumps in the dark are caused by things in the dark, usually big old hairey scarey things. As head of Corporate Security at our house this little PolyBear knows that them late night Boogers hardly ever wakes up Mumzie and Da. If it wasn't for a certain flash light wielding guy them Boogers would sneak right into our bedroom and BLAM!

I found this nifty little LED Booger Chasing Weapon on e-bay a few weeks back and the house has been so much safer since I won the bid ($4.26 plus shipping, charged to Mumzie's CRedit card via her PayPal account - hoo'da thunk she would leave that password laying around?).
For those who want to source out their own tool of light emmitting diode destruction, it's the Model 12, tubular aluminum bodied, double neoprene O-ring gasketed, Reverse machine threaded, waterproof to 30 feet, sure-click pushbutton activated, double A Bat-tree powered LED Booger Blaster (Made in the Good Ol USofA). I selected the black model with 2 extra Bat-trees, cause a BearScout must be prepaired!
I think mine is a 28 caliber. They were out of 45s.

Eat your heart out Jelous Nelleys.

Wha Wuz Zat?