Hurrah!

I don't know about where you live, but

where I live

Spring is coming!

You know what they say? It's March.

"In like a Lion, (thank you FluffyKitty)

Out like a Lamb"

I won't miss this stuff

At all.

Oh by the way, if anyone has a spare Lamb, they could

have it delivered to my house. Da is stingy with his

truck keys and I could use a good set of wheels.

(I have figured out a tax dodge scam we can use

to cover your gift - e-mail me)

Da's Uncle Luther

Went to visit his daughter in Portland last month.

It was a pretty big deal.

He is 86, we think, but he had never flown

on a jet before

So in order to preserve his perfect record, he

took the bus.

Meridian to Portland, with 25 stops along the way.
It took him a week to get there, because he got confused
in St. Louis, transferred onto the wrong bus
and wound up in Pittsburgh the next morning.

At that point, he panicked at the thought of having to
negotiate all of the stops between Pennsylvania
and California, so he hitchhiked up to Boston,
had a bowl of beans and

took the train.

I don't want to think what that was like for his fellow
passengers

Luther's daughter is Missy Jean and Da says that she is
a nice lady. Uncle Luther is ok, too as much as an
86 year old farmer can be, who before last month
had never been further from Okalona, Mississippi
than a trip he made to the state fair in Jackson
back in 1964.

The visit didn't go very well. Jean has became a west
coast girl in her years away from Oklaona.
You know the type? Slim, good hair, nice condo,
fancy furniture, uppity friends. Luther just simply
didn't fit in with the people Jean hangs with,
most of whom had never met an 86 year old
476 pound watermelon farmer.

I think what ruined
the visit was the night Luther got tanked up on corn
whiskey during a dinner party Jean was throwing for him,
lost his footing and stumbled, while trying to get up the stairs
after excusing himself at 8:45 pm, which was a half hour
past his bedtime and, well ...

Maybe it's best I just show you
what Jean will always remember about the visit
her Dad made to San Diego.

He certainly made an impression on her friends.

Its Monday

And Da

Has gone back to work



So far behind on e-mail responses

And so little time, what with my prosperity plan seminars,

paid endorsement radio spots and flea market appearances.

I know how much my personal responses mean to

many of you, so lets get some of these questions answered.

1 - no

2 - no

3 - no

4 - no

5 - no

6 - yes

7 - yes

8 - yes

9  - yes

10 - sure

Always happy to help you guys

who come to me for answers

to your important concerns.

These Guys Are Obsessed!

They will wait in line forever if that is what it takes.

They will suffer in silence under the most bleak

and severe conditions.



They will travel to the very ends of the earth if necessary

if required to obtain what they seek.

And what is it?

Why are they driven?

What makes them willing to endure so much?

The only thing I know that would push

anyone to such lengths is this:

I pity their suffering

I have experienced the monkey on their back

Ever wish you had thought about it a little more?

before you did it?

Well,

This guy probably does

The dog, not Patrick.

(Duh)



When did the Absurdity Start

What absurdity?

The absurdity of walking a dog ...

InMyNotSoHumbleOpinion



Dogs are pretty capable of walking all by themselves

Lately I have been wondering when did people first

begin thinking they needed to walk their pet?

100 years ago?

Longer back than that?

5000 years back?

Even further back than that?

Somehow this seems too far

But I could be wrong, because the fossel evidence

seems to point to the habit starting a long time ago,

as evidenced by this.

It was a dark and stormy night

I dont know about where you live

but Last night was a dark and stormy night where I live

Obviously things get kind of creepy

when it gets like it was last night.

I'm not a very big fan

of the dark

Or the sad fact

that Da won't let me carry my shootsgun at night

anyhow

I always feel better when morning comes

Because

There are some creepy things that happen

in the dark of the night



Freedom

Never take it for granted

it can be lost.



You know, some people have this thing

about flaunting authority. They proudly have

no respect for anyone's rules

It's like their whole thing is

"Catch me if you can Copper"

One little sign

Seems to set them off



Heaven help you if you tell them they can't.

Threaten them if you like...It does no good.

Sometimes you gotta wonder

Why the man even puts up a sign

I love a man of confidence

Some people have all the confidence it takes

to make it in whatever they choose to do.

They have one quality that almost guarantees

they will be successful.

And what would that quality be?

A Can Do Attitude!

Just like this guy

"How hard can it be? I do it every day..."

Shocking Revelations

Yes,

ZeroBear PolyBear News Services Intergalactic, LLP

has once again brought you the news that all other
news services were too whimpy to deliver.

Last night, while finishing the research on my latest book

"Mumzie's Waffles The Wonderful Story"

on sale at a book store near you for the 2012

Christmas Sales Season, beginning July 6, 2012.

I came across startling evidence of horrid genetic research

a shady world government which I can't name, because

the French are really likely to file a lawsuit in the world court

these days, is undertaking.

Should you know about this?

!!! IT'S YOUR RIGHT TO KNOW !!!

REQUIRED WARNING STATEMENT

The following photos may contain visual documentation

so dramatic and realistic that some womens, childrens

and a handfull of girley men will find offensive, scary

and therefore, ipso, exeo, Heraldero Geraldo, Mumbo Jumbo

exfacto, Giganto Pacto, these peoples should go watch the

latest SpongeBob marithon, brought to you by

Bubba's Cola Corporation

and their fine line of soft drinks, available at 

most curb markets, Self Serv Machines

and Soda Fountains near you.

"Bubba's Bubba's drink the best

cause other drinks don't

pass the (burp) test."

Back to the report

I was shocked, I was Startled, I was grossed out. I was bearly

able to sleep last night ("Bearly" - Get it?).

I just crack myself up at times...

Anyhow,

You need to see this!

Some of this is gross!

Gross is a medical term so I can use it on the InterWebs.

That that InterWebs Censors!

Be prepaired to be shocked!

Yes! A Penguin Dog!

and A Penguin FluffyKitty

You must understand

I have no choice but to show the next photo.

It's my duty as an InterWebs  journalist

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I know - Now you do too.

!!!   THIS MUST BE STOPPED   !!!

!!! It May Be Too Late !!!

Would you buy this crib?

If you had the bucks?

Yeh I would too.

So may questions:

What if it was haunted?

What if you was a'scared of boogers?

Anybody know the number for Ghost Busters?

Anybody care to loan me $6,800,000.00?

At 7% what would the realtor get?

Anybody know what's a Euro?



Penguin Photography

Some of these guys are easy to photograph.

"I'm so cute. Photograph me."

However,

at times, it's hard to get them to pose properly.

"No we don't mind trying again.

You pick your left foot up, you put

your left foot down. Uh.. left foot, George"

"Ok everyone look this way. This way, guys...

THIS WAY!"

"I don't care if it does give a better framed shot, I

can't move any further to the left. Just shoot the photo."

And some simply prefer their privacy.

"No photos. Trying to get a walk here.

No time to pose today."