I Feels Obligated to Report

There is some really scary stuff coming up that we needs to get prepared for.

11/11/11 scary?

Nope - that's only the end of the world and we're talking much more worser than that

Friday the 13th coming on a Sunday next month scary?

Granted, that scary fact makes a little PolyBear's nose hairs stand on end in fear, but even scarier than that.

Yes, worser that anything I has mentioned so far. We'ze talking really scary so get prepared.

Yikes! Scarier than this.

Yipes! but even worser than this.

So bad that fluffy kitty passed out in fear!

(wimp)

So scary that it makes even this look like keylime fluffystuff pie (Mumzie's is the best you'll ever eat). As brave as I is, even I can't take much more of this kin'da stuff. However we must go on, so get ready to be frightened out of your noodle pie.

Demon Dogs? In disguise? Right outisde your door?

I know. Scares me too, but you must know about this danger at the door.

There was a time when all you had to worry about was Vacuum Cleaner Salespeoples when the bell rang and you opened the door, but door opening times is gettin worser and worster every day.

You needs to know the truth, so as long as I can stands it, I'll show you the truth if you can take it, cause that's the kind of PolyBear I is.

Some of this stuff is pretty bad, so suck it up Pilgrim and get ready for the worstest few minutes of fear you has had since you decided to log on here.

I know, why must you be forced to look at this dark terror that might come knocking at your door one dark and scary night?

 

The levels they will stoop to are fiendish

Halp!

Woah!

Enough!

Even I has had too much!

OK, you has been warned! There is only one line of defense you can use when these horrible terrible frightful demon dogs of the night comes knocking on your door, ready to woof down your brains. Pay attention! All youse guys are thinking about is that candy bar down at the Stop-and-Shop calling to you or those tater chips waiting for you to come and get them out of the pantry cabinet and you need to be paying attention to me!

The lives of your fambily could depend on your strict adherence to these instructions.

Take notes if you care about your children!



1 - Keep a pile of these attention diversion devices close to the front door at all times

2 . When they shows up, and trust me, they will.

3 - As quickly as possible, and remember - every fraction of a nanosecond matters, throw the device as far away from the door as possible.

4 - Hopefully the Demon Dog will be lured away from you long enough for you to secure your home - IF YOU ACT QUICKLY.

 

 

5 - And no, dummy - Do not reopen the door - Don't you understand they are still hiding out there as long as it is still dark. Didn't you learn anything when you watched Halloween 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, or 13? What happened in "I know your name and I know what you did" when that cheerleader girl opened the door and stepped out into the dark? Well, the same thing will happen to you. I can hear them breathing just outside the door. Can't you?

6 - There is a second (alternate) attention diversion device you might consider

 

This works with some of them.

Good luck. You will need it. I have little hope for some of you dummies. My buddy Leggo Larry expresses my opinion of some of you very well.

There is no reason to name names. You already knows who you is.

Sheesh!