38,000th Viewer Contest

You know what?

 

Yep, I figured you did, so I'm going

to change up the scam

contest a little this time.

 

Everyone is elegible

 

 

for a winner's prize this time.

Just send me

 

$237,892.13 to cover shipping and handling

 

cash only - sorry no checks accepted because

 

 

this guy tried to stiff me last month.

 

Claimed he was former head honcho of the Fed, too.

 

Teach me to trust a quasi governmental politico.

 

I hacked into his facebook account

and fixed his wagon though.

 

You'd be surprised how easy it is to alter a photo

 with any of Adobi Corporation's fine line

of graphic alteration tools

(available at your fine local Barner and Nuble

store conveniently located in your local strip mall.)

 

Anyhow, to everyone who comes across with the cash

our awards committee ChairBear will carefully

select (just for) you one of the following swell prizes:

 

 

Maybe this honey of a speedboat.

 

 

or

 

 

You might win this speedwagon in the color of your choice.

 

or maybe

 

 

This slick piece of carbon fiber flying stuff. 

 

It's certainly my favorite give away prize 

and it might be your favorite, too.

 

 

or for a limited number of winnners

 

 

Possible permanent ownership of this

Unique masterpiece to be relocated from

the Louvre to your diggs by an art thief friend I met

in a chat room the other night.

 

Or perhaps

 

 

One of these custom grown Gourds.

 

or a gourd of similar design and size.

 

Just look at how happy that lucky winner was

as he attempted to select his prize.

 

 

just send your money and we'l get right to work

ordering your gourd or the Jet/Boat/Car/Mona/whatever.

 

Boy!

 

I wish I was a s lucky as you guys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will you be Visitor # 36,000?

You know, you could be our 36,000th visitor.

It has to be somebody. Why not you?

If you are that lucky person, boy have we got

a surprise for you!

You could win:

an all expenses charged to your credit card

3 day, 6 night trip to

London!

or maybe

A matched pair of black fire opals.

or maybe your very own

solid gold race car!

or perhaps a carefully selected for you

direct descendant of Fluffykitty for your very own.

"Mommy, KitCat wet in the box."

sorry - anyhow, back to the giveaway.

 

All you need do is send an e-mail to

ZeroBearPolyBear@gmail.com

stating that you were the one and only lucky winner.

Then mail $43,378,291.14 for shipping and handling

to the post office box address provided to you

by ZeroBear and as soon as your check
clears the bank we will rush your cat,
or a cat of similar construction
to you by overnight UPS.

I wish I were as lucky as you.

Lets have an award today!

I see we are coming up on the 34,000th

recorded visitor to the Blog Site today!

Yeah, I'm kind'a charged up about it, too.

Anyhow, if you are the lucky 34,000th visitor to the site

we have gathered together some special prizes, one of which

will be specially selected for you, by a certain little PolyBear

who's identity will be held in strict confidence

so that none of you will know It's actually

me who selects the winner's prize.

OK enough pre-award chatter.

If you are visitor number 34,000, as evidenced by

the counter to the right >>>>

Somewhere over there.

Then sign an authorized statement that it's you

on a scrap of paper or whatever, and e-mail it to me,

and the award committee will select your prize

from among one of the following options:

You could win

an exciting near death experience, riding with

ZeroBear Poly Bear in his really fast boat. You will be

guaranteed all of the rear end clinching moments you

can stand,  including the trademarked

ZeroBear Blunder, maneuver.

Or Perhaps, you'll win

a really fast airplane ride with noted pilot

ZeroBear PolyBear at the accelerator, taking you

on a memorable Mach (Classified) fast-as-it-will-go

ride in his war surplus PolyBearBird #1 Jet Plane.

The Flight will include in air refueling, courtesy of

Bubba's Mid air gas service and

The Tuba City Fuel Island

We will probably get a Taco, too.

Your flight will culminate with the trademarked

ZeroBear One Point Landing.

Sure to excite all involved.

Or perhaps you may win

a

Race car ride all your very own, complete with driving

lessons by old Lead Foot himself

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq.

I have some interesting driving tactics guaranteed to

make your lesson the most exciting day

of your perhaps tragically shortened life.

or maybe you will win

This incredible stick, carefully selected

for you by internationally noted stick specialist

ZeroBear PolyBear.

You could quite possibly be the proud possessor of

one of these specially selected prizes, after submitting

$27,965,427.39 handling and shipping charges and having

your check clear my bank account.

Legally required small print follows:

We reserve the right to substitute this swell rock

or a rock of similar size and construction for your stick,

should we be out of sticks after your check clears the bank.

I wish I was as lucky as you, # 34,000 visitor.

I must say, You are a very fortunate person, indeed.



30,000th visitor recogition

Some lucky visitor to the blogsite

will score big in the next few hours.

That's right ZeroBearPolyBear Blogsite fans

You could be the 30,000th visitor to the blog

winner!

As such, you will be eligible for

one of the following prizes,

carefully selected for you

by ZeroBear PolyBear himself.

Perhaps you will win this swell 87 foot yacht, complete

with twelve man crew

maybe you'll win an all expenses charged to your

credit card around the world trip for you and

16 of your very best friends on this

hand colored jet, with

Vinnie Barbarino at the controls.

or

Quite possibly you might win this really fast

Ferrari Testosterone Sports car.

Or maybe this really nice stick,

or a stick of similar size and construction carefully

selected for you by ZeroBear PolyBear himself.

So how do you collect your wining prize?

easy

If you are visitor #30,000 take a screen print

of your visitor number or hand copy the number

onto a piece of paper and send a photo of it along with

$645,638,972.28 to cover shippng and handling to

the website e-mail address:

zerobearpolybear@gmail.com

and right away we will get the approval process going 

to have your check deposited in our Caymen Island 

unmarked bank account. As soon as the check

clears we will begin selecting your stick from our

select storage cash of collector grade sticks out in Da's

burn pile or one of the other prizes if ZeroBear decides you

are not a stick kin'da guy.

Man I wish I was as lucky as you!

In the event there are too many winners to appropraitely

award prizes, a rock might be substituted for the stick,

should that be the prize you win.

  

We have a winner

I wanted to share the winner of the 19,000th

visitor to the blog contest with all of you losers.

And rest assured, there is a reason you are a loser.

If you don't know why you are a loser, drop an

e-mail to "Ask Dr. ZeroBear"

and we'll share my analysis of your problems

with the World Wide Interweb.

Anyhow

Our latest winner is Sigfreed Heljerston of

Stavanger, Norway.

Sigfreed  quickly claimed his prize this afternoon

and thanks to the efficiency of the Norwegian banking

system, who quickly transferred the $86,927,432.27 Gilders
to my offshore account and Barnstorming Charley's
worldwide delivery services we were assured quick
delivery of Sigfreed's prize, which was personally
selected for him by one

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq.

Here is Sigfreed taking his prize home from the

freight terminal.

Don't you wish you were as lucky as Sigfreed!

Dang Visitor Counter GizMo!

It has been on the fritz all week and now

I've missed the 18,000th visitor contest.

What a shame.

Because we had some swell prizes to give away.

I tell you what. Since we had no contest, 

for this week only - no wait - better than that.

For a limited time, Send $4,328,927.44 in cash.

(20s without consecutive serial numbers preferred)

to cover shiping and handling to

ZeroBear's Scam Contest.

And I'll rush you your very own stick,

carefully selected for you by FluffKitty

or one of my interns from Da's yard cleanup pile.

(size and type of stick may vary).

What a deal!

How fortuate my blog readers are!

To make it easier

(because that's the kind of PolyBear I am)

Let's just round that shippingand handling charge

down to $4,328,920.00.

Such a deal! Even I am amazed!

17,000th Visitor to the Blog Page Contest

Yep, its that time again.

I know it seems like only 1,000 visitors ago we were

having a celebratory give away for sucker visitor #16,000,

but that's just the way we are here at ZeroBear PolyBear

Blogsite, LLC.

Here's the deal.

We're going tgo open up the contest a little to try to scam

offer winnings to more visitors. Here are the new rules:

1 - If you think you were close to being an actual winner,

send $87,414,287.49 (shipping and handling charges)

in Gold coinage to 

ZeroBear PolyBear 17,000th Visitor Scam Contest

Care Of Joe the Bartender. Slick Sam's Supperclub

and Dog Grooming Emporium. Shark Attack Cove

Caveman Island, British Virgin Islands. Or

better yet, forget that first option and e-mail your

paypal account number with certified prepaid credit

in the amount indicated above to

ZeroBearPolybear@gmail.com

2 - After we confirm the validity of your gold transfer, 

or syphon the credit off your paypal card, we will

personally select one of the following gifts for you.

Gift Possibility #1

This swell speed boat, or a boat of some type.

This one really zips. In the highly unlikely

possibility that we select this prize for you, you'll be

the hit of your social crowd. 

Gift Possibility #2

Dinner With (George) Elvi!

Details not yet worked out, due

to Mr.Elvi's hectic bowling alley

opening appearance schedule.

(note, this may not be an

actual photo of Mr. Elvi.)

Gift Possibility #3

An all expenses charged to your credit card trip for two

to Tulsa, Oklahoma where you can enjoy a tasty

Hot dog and tater tots meal at Sonic!

(assuming you have the cash money to

cover the meal and a 20% gratuity)

Gift Possibility #4

A (secretary) autographed photo of ZeroBear and Freinds

that might be suitable for framing. Yes, You'll enjoy showing

this photo to all of your friends who will all say "I recognize

them sock monkeys and that cat, but who the heck

is ZeroBear?"

Gift Possibility #5

At least four Jelly Beans found on the floor under

ZeroBear's Easter Basket Yesterday.

One of them seems to have been

stepped on by Da, but it's mostly clean.

Gift Possibility #6

This lovely collectable stick, or a stick

of similar size and construction.

***

Your prize will be shipped postage collect by the

carrier of your choice from among the following:

- US Postal Service Mail.

***

I wish I was as lucky as you most fortunate winners

in our latest Scam contest!

Regarding the upcoming 17,000th viewer contest

Whtever you do, don't Google or Wikipedia

the term "Night Soil"

I had no idea.

FluffyKitty is a Bad Bad Cat.

Let's just forget that prize.

Maybe I'll reinstitute the War Surplus Atomic bomb.

I can't imagine that anyone wouldn't love to have one

of these babies stashed away in the garage

In case they need to get rid of a pesky Beaver dam

What?

It would do what?

Ok, forget that one, too.

We'll come up with something.

Anyone opposed to Sparklers?

Can't be mailed?

Sheesh

What Happened?

I was all set yesterday to introduce the 16,000th

visitor to the website scam contest.

It was going to be a really good contest. For the

benefit of visitor number 16,000 we had lined up one of

the following prizes, personally selected for you by

your's truly, namely ZeroBear PolyBear, esq.

You might have won:

1 - An all expenses paid by your credit card flight

on the next scheduled Virgin Airlines flight to Mercury!

Yes, you could be one of the first and possibly the only

person to ever visit this tropical paradise, with a black
body temperature of a balmy 440.1 degrees K and

no rainy days to worry with. The trip was to come

complete with a three day supply of SPF 97,000

sunscreen and four Sonic Tater Tots

left over from a visit Da and I made last week and

found (by Da) yesterday under the front seat of his truck

where I had stashed them because they fell out

of the tray and rolled under there. I think one of the tots

still has some ketchup on it - or something redish brown.

or you could have won

2. This swell boat. It may be a ship. I can't remember.

It's pretty big.

or perhaps you'd have won

3. Your very own Helicopter

And I had agreed to pilot it on our first flight ever.

or wow look at this!

4. Half (at least) of a popsickle

selected for you by one ZeroBear PolyBear after

personally eating some of it to make sure it wasn't poisoned.

The plans were to mail it to you by the US Postal Service

- Go Mail Delivery Guys and Gals!

*******

I can't believe that visitor number 16,000 slipped

in and out without so much as a "howdy doody".

I see all of this as your fault!

Oh well, better luck with 17,000. My understanding is that we

have some swell prizes lined up for that number.

I'm thinking we may give away the coveted plastic bag of

kitty night soil, donated by FluffyKitty, from his

personal stash in the laundry room.

All typical ZeroBear small print and boiler plate

requirements (Bla Bla,BLa) still apply

(see last month's contest if you are that nosey or intend

to get some snooty lawyer firm involved in my scam

contest).



CONGRATULATIONS

You are visitor number

!!! 1,000,000 !!! 

(Pay no attention to that Visitor Counter to the right.)

As such, you are eligible for entry into the

February 2012 ZeroBear Prize Giveaway!

(I wish I was as lucky as you)

We have lots of swell prizes this month

All you have to do is send a certified cashier's check

for $456,986,237.28 (To cover shipping and handling)

to ZeroBear PolyBear's February, 2012 Rigged Contest,

care of ZeroBear's numbered bank account (R18774/ZDP)

ZeroBear Pirate Bank, LLP, 37 Bahama Momma Avenue,

CaveMan Island, Gulf of Mexico.

And we will eventually get around to letting

you know what you've won.

Yes, It's just that simple!

This month only we will accept

great hunking big sacks of Krugerrands

In place of checks.

(Small print note follows)

We reserve the right to substitute

a really nice stick, similar in size and construction

to the one shown, should we be out of slingshots

on the day we award your prize.

We also reserve the right to "Indian Give"

your prize should that be easier of if we can't

find a stick in the yard, which is highly unlikely.

I wish I was as lucky as you!

I bet everyone you know is proud

of your incredible fortune.