Does anyone know

what's going on over in Alabama?

Do they have giants over there?

Why would I be asking that?

Well,

Just look at what I saw

headed in that direction Saturday morning.

Have you ever seen a

roll of toilet paper this big before?

I figure giants be living over there.



Strange stuff happening

I know.

It's happening here too.

Everywhere I look

things are getting

stranger and

stranger.

Some of these creatures that are roaming

around are downright

scary.

Lots of them, I just don't understand

where they came from.

I gott'a tell you, some of them

scare the beegeebees out of me.

She doesn't really look like that?

OK. Could have fooled me.



I still don't understand

Why we allow our government

To carry on these strange genetic experiments.

Left unchecked, there seems to be nothing

They will not try

I don't know about you

but some of their experiments

Scare the Beegeebees out of me



Let's try to be reasonable about this for once

TOMORROW IS

FRIDAY THE 13th

AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

OK, here's the plan

The dreaded day officially starts when

the big and little hand on the

big scary clock in the front hallway

both hit the 12

(just after Letterman goes off)

and that thing starts bonging

out the late night bong of DEATH!

At that point, I can't help you and it's

every PolyBear for himself.

If you are not well hidden at that point

you are cold oatmeal.

Comprende?

Here is

where I will be and

This will be the condition of the world for 24 hours.

Good Luck pilgrims. You'll need it.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Beach

Look, I know you want to go out there

but you need to remember

there are things out there that see you as a tasty snack.

You know they will come up on the beach to eat you if

that is what will get them some lunch.

You didn't know that?

Look at George the beach bum

Only his excellent boxing skills saved him from this

horrible shark attach.

I have no idea why he chose to wear his

8 oz. Everlast Gloves to the beach that day.

Just good luck I imagine.



Going to the Beach on the 4th?

Be careful out there!

You could get washed away

right into the mouth of a sea monster

or

become a tasty shark snack

as in

the shark eating you.

just keep in mind that the sea is full of

Sea Monsters

He's not?

OK, whatever.

Better?

Remember, there are things out there that see you

as a menu option.

Haven't I tried to warn you peoples?

How many times do I need to tell you that

You can't trust a tree to not eat you.

And yet you still wander right into the mouth of the tree.

Where you quickly

get eaten

Sometimes just an unfortunate person.

and sometimes an

an entire family complete with car

Burp!

You tell me

Should you be afraid of this thing?

I'm thinking this is pretty scary.

Click on it to geet the Beegeebees scared out of you.

What are the chances a tree might jump

out and grab you?

What if it was dark?

Cree-Pee



It was a dark and stormy night

I dont know about where you live

but Last night was a dark and stormy night where I live

Obviously things get kind of creepy

when it gets like it was last night.

I'm not a very big fan

of the dark

Or the sad fact

that Da won't let me carry my shootsgun at night

anyhow

I always feel better when morning comes

Because

There are some creepy things that happen

in the dark of the night



!!!! OH NOSE !!!!

Has you seen these guys?

I gott'a tell you, I thought there was reasons to be scared of zombies, but no zombie can come close to the outright scaryness of these slimy crawl on you freaks.

They is called Snails!

There is no explaining them, so let me do that for you.

There are tiny Snails that can sneak right up your nose and eat your eyeballs out.

Da found this one UP HIS NOSE!

They is smart, too. This one has learned that we know about them crawling up our noseholes and so he is looking for a finger hole to crawl up into. Devious? I think so!

Next example - They can get incredibly big

These guys (yes there is three of them, indicating they travels in packs) are big enough to slime a Toyota. Now don't get too scared, but the next photo is ...

AWFUL!

Yes, that is an entire fambly, complete with luggage riding to their doom on the back of that humongus (humongoose? humangoose?) snail.

Next scary thing...they is camoflagging themselves to make us lower our guard.

DO NOT be deceived - Yes their babies is cute.

But when they get through sucking out your brains, you will be reduced to nothing more than a pile of

Yes, that's right! A pile of GOO!

Oh wait.

Gimmie me a minute here.

Evidently they is cute and friendly creatures. Maybees even happy, cute and friendly little slime trail makers.

OK

After further research I understands that they is also a tatsy pre-entre appetizer if you can get enough butter and garlic on them. Only thing I see missing here is some crusty bread.

Evidently I has identified a False Alarm ... sorry. Dang communists.

"Oh Mumzie - What's for dinner?

Cornflakes?"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT A CORNFLAKE CAN DO IF IT GETS UP YOUR NOSE?"