!!!! FINALLY !!!!

Do you know what week this is?

Well, you are at least partially correct, because Mumzie is gonna whup us up a big old Turkey this Thursday and me and Da is Gonna eat until we pops a gasket.

but I is actually referring to a couple of days after we gives

Thanksgiving for the blessing of a turkey dinner day.

Here is a hint:

Figure it out?

The Cackle Berry Dish Festival?

Wrong, BumbleDumb

On Saturday, October 26, 2011, when a certain little PolyBear's tummy has finally (hopefully) stopped feeling like it's going to explode, comes that once a year day when the Starkpatch Bully Dogs gets a chance to whoop up on the Oxford Rebel Bears in that event we loves to watch.

Namely, the

Spiffy Graphic, Huh? Made it myself. Easy Peasey, like Mac and Cheesey.

Da has only one wish when the game comes to town,

and the best visual I can offer to show you how he feels

is represented by the following:

As near as I can figure out,
that gray haired thing in the red waistcoat and hat that Bully Doggus
is holding by the neckbone is a Black Bear.

I know, I is confuzzled, too, but Da assures me that the image is (and always will be) correct.

Bully Dawgers VS Black Bears is just another name for the football game we call the Egg Bowl, and the game is played this Saturday.

Evidently our Guys (Yea-Hurrah) are led by this Dog. I think his name is Bully.

The Black Bear guys (Boo-Hiss) is led by this Bear

Evidently he was in the military at one time, about a hundred and fifty years ago becasue they tells me his rank is Colonel and his name is Reb. I think that lady is a close friend. She may be an officer in his fan club, cause she seems to have his picture on her shirt. I am told that is an adult beverage in his cup.

Additionally, the game has stand in substitute leaders

That is Big Head Bully, behind Bully.

And this is Big Head Colonel Rebel Bear. I think those are his "Kissing Cousins".

Before every game, the fans eat lots of chicken strips and bbq pig burgers, except they calls it Tail Gating. Evidently, having a tent helps you eat more.

They uses tents at Oxford, too. Just colored different. Probably sold all the maroon ones before they went to buy theirs and they had to settle for them left over red and blue ones

By the time the game starts, they usually have filled up the stadium.

Some of the fans is nice peoples.

And some of them scares a little PolyBear. One of them guys looks like a zombie and I swear the dude in red with the brown coat HAS NO EYES!.

Of course, everyone cheers the football game.

The winners get a free shower

and a nice old trophy. They tell me it looks like an egg. The winners get to see who can hold it over their head the longest. The loosers leave the field mumbling, "Just you wait till next year after we has a good five star recruiting class."

The winner also gets what Da calls "Bragging Rights" for the next year.

He hopes we has them from this coming Saturday

all through this next year and I do, too.

Cause this little Bear is a bulldog who wants to run around the house

for the next twelve months singing, "Hoo Let Them Dawgs out? Woof! Woof!"

When Its all over, Coach Dan will just smile and say,

"THIS IS OUR STATE"

Why?

Nobody ever accused me of having much sympathy for a PoochyPuppy, but Why?

I mean

There's no way we believe they think its funny

Would you do yourself that way?

OK, you get a pass, but I is happy I is not your PolyBear

The Perfect Storm Is On Its Way

Football

FOotBAll

FOOTBALL!

FOOTBALL!

I know you guys who read my Literary Masterworks
are all the time saying,

"That Faulkner guy ain't gotz nuttin on ZeroBear"

You don't?

You sez, "Who forgot to taught that Bear to spell?"

I is insalted!

I would like to say that spelkl check is for wooses! Live wit it.

You should be saying, "That PolyBear's Da certainly likes Football."

He does.

He watches a lot of it, that's for certain.

The MSU Dawgs is his team and where his heart resides,

but he likes other folks too, Including,

The West Georgia Pachyderms - AKA Big Al's Bammers

The Bayou FluffyKitties - AKA LSU Tigers

Shoot, he has even watched

Da Black Bears - AKA TSUN, although he seems happiest when they gets whooped (Evidently he has some kind'a deep seated crazy-guy problems that goes back to unhappy young adulthood memories related to some "Archie Who" incident at Memorial Stadium in Jackson, Mississippi back in 1968 when he was showed exactly who Archie was.)

He has teams he does not like under any circumstances, but I won't make any off color references to them Hoggies or TigerEaglePlainsmen.

I will say that he ain't got no fondness for west coast ducks

Unless they is accompanied with wild rice, mushroom gravy and crusty bread. Neither does I, the one shown here belongs to Mumzie. Fooling around with him will get you wet and I hates getting wet in any month that has an "r", so I do not hang with this dude.

Da has said many times that over his years

he has seen some really talented teams beat his beloved Bull Dogs

And two of the best has beat them this year.

No, not Tennessee Teacher's College, or University of Maine (Sheesh)

The guys from Bammer Institute of Elephant Research (UA) and Red Stick School of Gumbo Cooking (LSU) is those two talented football teams, and it seems both of them wants to be 2011 National Champions.

Evidently you gets lots of Bennies if you wins what they calls the BCS Championship game.

Like the opportunity to get your picture made with the trophy at Wal-Mart.

In a classic Doofus Pose.

So what about 2011?

At times this year, the good old SEC has had both #1 and #2 positions in College Football all Sowed (sewed?) up, with LSU and UA in one or the other, then they foolishly played each other before time to settle the "Who's Best?" question in New Orleans on January 9, 2012. Didn't they know that somebody had to lose that game?

Well, The Bammer Guys did, and immediately folks began to devise a thousand ways how the two teams might get to New Orleans and play a second time.

As an intergalacticlly famous football analyst, I has figured out how it will happen.

Wanna know how?

Everybody else gotz beat, leaving Bamma as the best option for the championship game other than LSU.

I think that series of losses may have happened last night.

I is a genius!  

For the life of me, I can't figure out why I didn't come up with a way for the Dawgs to make it to the BCS New Orleans contest in a game against Da Bears.

Cause everybody knows what Dogs thinks about bears, who evidently only considers TigerFluffyKitties as their equals when it comes to Football Rivals.

Peoples who wear rubber pigs on their heads is evidently

involved in that strange relationship, too

It all gets so complicated.



Happy Birthday Louis

Happy Birthday to You!

Yes Birthday Fans, its time to break out the cake

and fire up them candles, cause my good buddy, Mr. Google tells me that today is the Birthing Day of Mr Louis "One Shot" Daguerre.
 

A special header on his interwebs page is always a dead giveaway that Mr. Google has something to tell us!

 

Yeh, I know.
 
Me too ... Howsomeever,
A quick interwebs search revealed that Mr Daguerre is the dude who invented the MeatzaPizza!

No wait. That was Momma Meatza.

Mr Daguerre invented the

Dauguerrotype! which is French for old weird out of focus photographs on metal plates that sell for $136.47 each on e-bay. I bought 56 of them at that price last night on Mumzie's PayPal account to verify that number. 

That's Old Louie up above, shown in a real Dagnguuerrotype, which Mr Google assures me is spelled correctly, cause I was out with the mumps the week that Daugerrotypes was on the spelling test.

Further (Farther?) research has revealed that dangerrotyppes is old fashioned Photos and eventually led to better photos, cause folks took them, but always believed that had their photographer used Kodak, they would have gotten a better shot.

We have lots of things to thank Mr. Daguerre for.

Like Boring Photo albums we is forced to look at when we go to Granny's house.

"This is the street your Great Great Great Great Granduncle Alfonzo and his third wife Sylvia lived on back in the old country. There is a Target Store and a Bowling Alley there now."

We can thank him for wooden cameras with bad lenses like this one, which make us really appreciate Da's camera.

Which is mostly plastic, but takes better pictures that evidently goes to the Interwebs, if you wants them to.

We can thank Old Louie for the HP PhotoSmart Premium

Which is worlds better than Mr. Daguerre's print shop

 

As I understand, having a Danguerrooeetype made in the way back whens was a real hoot

 

The first thing they had to do was to screw a big old bolt into the back of your head, so you didn't get too scared and run away after they started. What they were going to do to you that would make you run away, I am not allowed to say.

Suffice it to say that Mr. Daguerre also developed the "Cheesy Gomer" pose being demonstrated by the guy with the bolt screwed into the back of his head in this shot.

A little known fact

Mr. Daguerre also developed the first "Arrow in a photo" as evidenced in this early shot from the Mr. Daguerre Daungerreoutppers archives in some town in France, or Ohio, (I forget). This view is another example of the Cheesy Gomer pose. I think they bolted the guy to the post through his foot.

So, How Did He Do It?

I wondered the same thing. As they say in the Enquirer News Paper, "Inquiring Minds Wants to Know". 

I asked how could one French guy come up with so many Dauggerotmpers developments.

To get an answer, I went out to Madam Linda - "Fortunes Told, Past, Present and Future Illuminated, Tarot Cards and Indian Healing Methods, While You Wait." to get some answers.

She is a nice Fortune Teller lady who lives in a little white Spiritual Retreat House on Jerry Jones Road, just off Highway 437, below Jenkinsville. Madam Linda explained it all to me, for only $50.00 that we charged to Mumzie's Visa Card. She also had this chart printed up for me on her HP PhotoSmart Premium Printer for only $376.74 extra (tax included). I thought it was a bargain, once she explained it to me.

Makes perfect sense when you look at the chart doesn't it? I may sign up for her "ongoing Services Special, for only $396.48 per month direct draft from your Visa Account. With that, I can see her whenever I needs some psychic guidance (three visit per month limit).

Well, if Mr Daguerre was still alive, he would be 244 years old today, which would make him almost as old as Da, but unfortunately, he got the same disease as Mr. Sax, and died of that terrible disease where you turn into Bronze. In an even more tragic turn, A pretty Lady touched him right after he died and she got turned into Bronze, too.

"Oh, cruel fate! Thy sting is harsh and thy taste bitter!"

Any Hoo, Happy Birthday, Mr. Daguerre and thank you for your invention

Most of all for the one I forgot to mention:

The stacked high Dagwood Sammich!

I has a Dagwood whenever I can talk Da into making me one.

Especially nice when he gives me chips to go with it, and a nice Diet Dr. Pepper.

Walking the Dog?

Dogs is OK, I guess, but I have never understood this walking the dog stuff.

As near as I can tell, most of them can walk all by themselves.

In fact they seem to enjoy walking, as you almost never see them driving around

or riding anywhere

I guess they sometimes hitch a ride

I think she uses velcro.

Mostly you see people walking their dog

sometimes people walk a bunch of dogs

I think this guy owns way too many pooches.

Show-off

Not a bad hat, though.

No, I'm talking about the one on the third dog from the right. I guess the one the guy is wearing looks nice, but I has three or four like that one already. As for me I likes the one most that Mumzie made for me that Da thinks she gave to him for his Birthday.

Peaches and Herb likes it too.

Sadly, they don't own any hats, cause Hamsters don't hear hats (duh).

I need to get back to walking dogs though.

Sometimes the dog walks the person

I think this is how they walk the dog in Ohio.

Evidently there is no age limit on how old a dog must be to take someone for a walk.

Or even who must be in charge of the walk.

They say it's good exercise.

For the walker and the walkee,

so

I decided I might take up this hobby.

Then I discovered to walk something, I needed something to walk (duh).

I tried to walk Fluffy Kitty

but he was uncooperative when I approached him with the leash

So I is persuing this exerhobby with other friends

Peaches took to the leash right away but Herb is still largely uncooperative.

I figure hamster walking will become the rage when peoples sees me doing it.

Heel Herb ... Heel Herb ... Herb! ... HERB!

I may have to send him to that hamster whisperer guy on Discovery Channel.