More News From The Ever-Increasing World of Dangerous Vegetables

by

Ace Interwebs Reporter

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq.

Yes, I is ever in search of startling information that my many readers need to keep current on as they attempts to navigate their way through the ever more dangerous world of vegetable danger. In light of this, tonight we needs to discuss that vegetable that strikes fear into the hearts of vegetable munchers around the world and in Georgia.

Yes, Dear Hearts, tonight we is going to discuss

Okra!

!!!! Yikes !!!!

Granted, this hardy flowering plant of the Mallow fambly, with the edible seed pod is a highly sought after ingredient of any decent Gumbo.

Them little green things floating in that luscious sausage, chicken and gravy treat is Okras, which is African for Okras.

Whoo'da thunk it?

Okras is nice cooked many different ways.

They is tasty fried treats.

A slimy delicacy when boiled.

Interesting grilled on a skewer stick

(to keep them from running away)

Da, likes them cooked with To-matters.

Yes, the same To-matters featured in the killer To-matter movies

Salad lovers (not me) likes'em pickled.

Shoot, they is even good frittered.

(that red and Green out of focus junk is salsa for Mumzie and Da, but not this little PolyBear)

!!!! BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT WE IS HERE TO EXPOSE TONIGHT !!!!

Did you noze that they is also Notorious Fighters?

Well they is....

As an example, look no further than Cleveland, Mississippi and the Delta State

Is you ready for this?

Delta State Fighting Okras!

Evidently these Okras is scary fierce

I think this little sandle wearing fellow is a goner.

If my sources is correct, there is one last even more fierce Okra out there and as an ace (of clubs) reporter I feels it is my duty to all of my fellow reporters faithfully serving the public in their positions of responsibility to Interwebs News reading public to share the Truth

Can you handle the Truth?

Can You Handle it?

Is you sure?

Well here it comes.   

Yes Here is the much feared

OKRA WINFREY!

What?

Oh....

Uh ... Forget that last one.

My Bad.

They wants a retraction?

Oh the shame of forced humility!

"I ZeroBear PolyBear, esq. hereby states that I was misled by FluffyKitty and hereby retracts anything I may have wroten about Miz Okra Winfrey. Sorry, Okra."

Signed

(the Hugely embarrassed faced)

ZeroBear PolyBear, esq

The Horror Continues

!!! I is mortified !!!

Key Jaws Music

... First it was Tomatoes

Then

Cucumbers
  
  

and Now

Pumpkins has become recognized as another of the evidently many killer vegetables running amuk !!!

Yes they may look like happy carefree little fall harvest melons of the squash fambly

But as soon as it gets dark,
Watch out.

There is just no tellings what they may evolve into under the cover of darkness

You starts with a nice jack-o and

In no time at all, you'll find that they has become

Shiverous

Creepy

 

Sacry

 

Killers - yes killers of anything they encounters!

 

Personally, I has no ideas on earth or the 869 other inhabited planets of the 12 nearest star groups how any Da (alien or domestic) would let these untrustworthy vegetables get close to their childrens or the Mumzies of them childrens.

I could see allowing your Fluffykitty to run loose in the vacinity of a pumpkin,

I sometimes thinks they is in cathoots anyhow.

 

and some kitties can take care of themselves with no help from any of us

but how you would let a child or a PolyBear you love into such danger I can't imagine. Of course, better thems than me.

Interwebs Required Warning:


Do not alollow childrens or womens or sissy guys look at the next photo



 

Just look at the horrors on the face of this young lad
as a hord of orange fleshed monsters chases him down.
From the looks of this, he will stumble or be tripped up in just a short short and pretty quick after that, he will become a goner, just another enexplained pile of hair and bones out in a pumpkin patch.
 

OK you has been warned.
     I has done my duty as a journalist.
But, I'll continue for a moment longer cause Da hasn't yet brought me my Peanut Butter and Raisin sammich and the glass of chocolate milk I ordered twenty minutes ago.

I really need to hire better help around here.

We're talking smear the p-butter on the bread, sprinkle a handfull of raisins on top, trim offen the crusty edges and pour a glass of chilly-cold chocolate milk, then bring it to the PolyBear.
How hard can that be?

Oh wait, my warning. Let me get back to my warning.

Maybe you only bought one (pumpkin - one pumpkin - I has no idea where that fluffykitty came from but that is not our fluffykitty - our fulffykitty has his whskers singed away along with most of the hair inside his left ear  - due to an unfortunate fireworks demonstration gone amuck by a certain PolyBear who prefers to keep hs name out of print). Anyhow, I understand that you only purchased one pumpkin, but

But there are others out there (yes there are otherfluffy kitties too. That;'s a black one and our fluffykitty is yellow with some missing hair and a distinct odor of singe) But I meant pumpkins. There are othe rpumpkins out there.

And they gets together in a group and plots. Let me say that no good ever comes when gourds of different ethnic groups gets togther and plots, cause they can't be trusted. Some of them plotting above is hybreds and they is the worst of the lot.

Then they masses together until ... utill ... untill

Untill

They takes over the world (evidently after turning green). When they do, we is all in trouble.

Heaven help you if they gets bigger than you. This one looks big enough to take down that Old Fart in one chomp, especially if it can roll over him and pin his legs to the ground.

Worstest of all. horrible terrible things will certainly happen if
you lets your baby crawl too close to them Jack-o-Toothes.





CHOMP, Nom, NOm, NOM



GONE

You has been warned.

 

Oh they also makes really tasty pies.

Wonder if Mumzie would whip us up one for the weekend?
Kind'a chincey slice size don'cha think?
Also needs some chocolate milk.

Does we have any seconds?

How could I have missed this conspiricy?

Within an hour of posting my exclusive killer tomato news story last night, a friend of the blog from (get this!) Germany e-mailed me to ask if I was aware of the rash of

Killer Cucumbers taking over Europe!

Linky Dink

I wondered and wondered how this terror that struck Europe had slipped by my ever questioning mind before realizing that for most of last summer I was an unwilling guest in a Federal house of incarceration (inmate #41366987), due to some trumped up charges concerning the alleged unlawful intent to bring 87 pounds of uninspected Gefeldefish into New Orleans from Denmark.

How was I to know they would have gefeldefish sniffing dogs at the airport who would insist they go through my backpack? I has no idea where all those tins of pickled fishes came from.

Da and a sweet lady lawyer from Fink, Fank and Farnsworth managed to get me out of the big house with little more than an interesting prison Tat that my cellmate Charles Shankmaster Ruffner did for only a half carton of ciggies and three hours unsupervised use of my cellphone and Mumzie's Visa Card.

Let's get back to my investigation into this latest vegetable horror that is plaguing Europe.

Anyhoo, after an intense day of watching a Penguins of the Arctic marathon on the National Geographic channel. I has gained the depth of knowledge required to provide a thoughtful and insightful look at the conspiracy of fruits and vegetables attacking innocents around the globe.

First of all, you guys needs to know that  these tubular veggies is evidently jumping onto the faces ol sweet old folks out innocently lounging in the sun and quickly sucking out their eyeballs

They is doing the same to young womens in their prime

As near as we can determine, even this lady suffered a horrible, terrible disfigurement

That left her eyeless, with pale, pasty skin and poor fashion sense.

And these terrorists from the garden is running loose all over Mumzie's kitchen!

And I suspect that they is even jumping out of salad bowls to quickly suck your eyeballs out. Personally I would recommend avoiding the salad bar at TGI Fridays and The International House of Cucumbers (IHOC)

Smart folks is fencing them in until they is able to arm themselves for their protection.

I recommends  sharp instruments of protection

How could something so tasty be so evil?

I is now looking into Rutabaga Terrorism, which I has always considered to be an ever present threat to life as we knows it. Did you know they is sometimes referred to as Wax Turnips.

Yes they is!

Just the strain of living under the rutabaga threat has pushed some folks over the edge.

More later News freaks!

Australian Woman Atacked by Tomato

It has been brought to my attention by sometimes trusted Interwebs site http://www.msnbc.com/ that a poor lady in Australia has been atttt (just a moment while I gets my emotions together) ... she has been ...

!!!! Attacked by a Tomato !!!!

LinkyDink

Actual LinkyDink covering attack.

In an effort to stay completely factual, Miz Janet Carson was out walking her dog and it may be that the tomato first attacked the dog and then turned on the poor lady, injuring her severely. To quote her, she said that "It was  huge" "She thought she was about to die" during the lengthy attack. Hopefully she will survive but authorities had to take out the tomato, which they did with salt/ pepper, vinaigrette and a sprinkling of chopped herbs, tossed lightly and chilled.

In this nearly exclusive artist recreation of the horrible incident, Miz Carson is shown in the clutches of the violent fruit.

    

Yes, friends they is actually fruits!

Evidently, from the top left corner of this factual recreation shown above, ALIENS MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED! 

Evidently there is a lot of them running around, too

Thanks to FN.com

Not aliens, tomatoes

As an internationally famous news spreader, I feel it my responsibility to warn all of you to 'NEVER TRUST A TOMATO"

Remove small children and sissy men and then take a look at the next photo

Yes, that is a hideous, demonic smirk on that beast's face. I can't imagine - well yes I can. This tomato,, which obviously is about ten feet tall could eat a little polybear in one hungry chomp.

Thank you PoPos

After a fierce battle, with officers yielding billy clubs, basil and other condiments, the violent attacker tomato was eventually subdued and for a moment Australia is once again safe for hoomans and polybears.

Photo verification follows:

 

Apparently we dodged the bullet, er tomato, once again and can sleep in peace, until the next one creeps out of the vegetable bin in Mumzie's kitchen and silently, ever so silently creeps down the hallway and climbs up the side of the chest of drawers and

GRABS A POOR LITTLE SLEEPING POLYBEAR, WHO ONLY DRIFTED AWAY FOR A MOMENT WHILE DA, WHO REFUSES TO STAY UP AND PROTECT HIS FAMBILY SNORES AWAY, WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CONCERN FOR ZEROBEAR.

YES I IS SHOUTING! Consider the fact that at least half of you guys never listens to me anyhoo. What's a PolyBear to do when no one (outside of a few smart readers and you know who you is) cares what he says?

Uh, more information has just come in in this rapidly developing story. Evidently the tomato was also wearing a kangaroo suit. In light of this additional information we feels obligatored to expand our warning.

BE VERY CAREFUL OF KILLER TOMATOES DRESSED IN KANGAROO DISGUISES!

Oh the horror. What will we do?