Attention

Robbers, criminals, burglers

You might not want to show up

at these folks house with evil on your mind.

Hope granny doesn't shoot her

granddaughter in the knee.

 

Caution Pretty Scarey Stuff Here

by ZeroBear

So as not to scare the beegeezes out of my many fans I decided not to tell you guys the really bad fix I managed to get myself into earlier this week. Yep, you guessed it. I shot my eye out.

Mumzie and Da to the rescue though. Mumzie got on the Interwebs and quickly located the very bestest place to get eyeball help for a little PolyBear.

Before long, she had located the National PolyBear Eye Institute in SanDiego, California. A phone call or two later and we were headed west! I got a set of wings from Delta! Now I need to find a used 747. Do they e-bay those?

Mumzie called the doctors there and when we got to Surf City, she met with a really nice Plastic Surgeon Dr. Chas Zimboni and together they selected a beautiful eyeball replacement for me (second from left). It is genuine plastic. Remarkably just like my old shot out eyeball. Plastic eyeball? I guess that's why they had to find a Plastic Surgeon to put it in me. Hoo'da thunk that?

The hospital carries a great donor bank of PolyBear fur to fix up my face. I asked if they could do my yellow leg while they were at it, but Chas, or DocZ as I call him, assured me "I was so yellow leggish" it would be a shame to alter that part of the old BearBod. Anyhow, we eventually decided not to mess wth yellow leg perfection.

Photo from later on that same day, taken in PolyBear surgery room #1. I think that big machine is the hot melt gun that glued everything back in place. I don't remember any of it cause they zonked me out with zonk out stuff.

My team in PBICU. From the left, That's Jenny love on the end, Miss Nancy in back, Sweet Georga in Blue, WooWoo Wanda in white, Dr. Chas in back (he's such a hoot), Sleepy Doug, my gas passer, Albert from the eye bank, Andy Allenwrench from Maintenance who had to provide an emergency socket set during surgery, Sonje Hapalanzerad, the second shift nursing Supervisor and Curried Rice chef, and last but not least appreciated Happy Jan, the chief PolyBear tickler.

Thanks guys. Couldn't have done it without you!

Oh, that's me on the PBICU bed in the nifty black eye patch.

Da and Mumzie couldn't be in the group shot. They were down in accounting taking out a second mortgage on the farm to pay for use of that hot melt machine. 

Uh...

By ZeroBear

 

What can I say? Mumzie said I'd shoot my eye out. All I remember is I had the pig in my sights. He zigged left I zagged right, the bullet zinged off the frigerator door and then all went black.

The one good thing I can say about all of this is she was wrong when she said I'd shoot it out because they tell me it's still in there, somewhere, for the most part.

It was an assident and I doesn't feel like
talking about it today. Da says fixing the frigerator is gonna take some doing.

Anyone got a Tylenol?

A very embarrised PolyBear.

The Mighty Hunter. Protector of the Homefront

By ZeroBear

Through the forest, he stalks the fierce ten point buck. "Gotcha"

He knows the call of the goose.

He knows the "Honk, Honk" that will lure them in. "Bango"

As they fly down, he is ready. Klaboom"

Even the fierce wild pink pig knows the futility of resisting this hunter. "You're mine now, Piggie. Freeze!"

However, ever vigilant to the threat of the intruder, he is always mindful of his obligation to the family and so he remains always ready to shout out the words Invader boogers fear to hear - "Stick 'em up, loser", or "Make my day, Sucker".

Yes Pilgrim, ZeroBear is ever ready to face any nasty stick figure booger zombies who might choose to enter the house and bring doom on Mumzie or Da. Or any other shadow, bump or thump in the darkness for that matter.

As he brings another awful heartless stick figure zombie booger beast to justice, ZeroBear tips his hat, meets Mumzie's eyes straight on and says the words that bring peace and comfort to the civilian's heart, "Just do'in my job, Ma'm."

                                        

"So, Hoo's gonna shoot hoo's eyes out, Mumzie? Maybe the stick figure zombie booger's eyes. That's hoo's eyes will get shot out!" 

ZeroBear PolyBear - Home Protector - Shooter of ShootsGun!

The Bestest Day of a PolyBear's Life:

By ZeroBear

(Thanks to Da for the photographic record.)

This nifty black shippping crate (photo below) came to me by delivery truck. I can't imagine what it is, except that it came from "Tallman" BroBert and his sweetie (don'cha just love her), MizDarlinD and I have never gotten anything that wasn't souper-swell from them guys. So many wrappie ropes? Must be really nice?

Whew! (see photo below) Ropes is gone (thanks to Da's sharp-knife). Shipper labels is tooken (taken?) off. Taken? Tooken? Still sounds right. Anyhoo, ropes is tooken off. Now I just needs to get the nails out of the lid.

"Oh Mumzie? DOes you has a crowbar a little PolyBear could use?"  

"Oh my!"

(next photo)

A genuine B&D, Match Grade, Model 12, matte black electroplated, multi forged, high temp oven hardened, oil quenched, custom cold bored, Pittsburg steel, unsighted, double barreled, vent ribbed, select grade, tight grained, old growth, walnuts stocked, with low gloss hand rubbed finish, fully not-engraved, 3 genuine steel nuts and bolts master mechanic bench top assembled, shoulder padded, single action, unsafetyed, Ninja black, low pull weight hair triggered, "gunslinger option" with removed finger guard, unchoked, high velocity, magnum chambered, Tapered high hardness firing pin equipped, Center and/or rim fire capable, right paw configured, center balanced, Custom red fuzzy stuff padded lining cased, "Pig Blaster Commerative", with the (rare) sitting pink POrky Pig logo, Limited Editon, NRA approved, signed and numbered, special order, PolyBear sized, Scattershot SHoots GUn!

The interwebs said these were no longer available (actually says they were never available) . WHere did you guys find this BeauTiFuL piece of destructive art? I have been on e-bay every night for the past four years looking for one of these babies and now there is one at my feet.

I is speechless!

Stay back Chipmunks, this is some serious firepower we gots here.

BroBert and MizDarlinD! How did you know the way to a PolyBear's heart?

!!!! Inturders beware !!!!

Uh, did anyone see a box of cartridges? There's gotta be some shells here somewheres....

"Oh Mumzie, could a little PolyBear use the interwebs to shop the cartridges section of e-bay for a minute? I would just browse and not buy anything. I promise, so help me Hanna MOntana."

(Silly-girl Mumzie says I'll shoot my eye out.)